This would definitely be my word for the weekend. Perhaps its been the word of my life! I don't know how to fix it, other than to look at it with a fresh approach every day. Most of the time this is what gets me to my breaking points, where I want to look my best, do my best, feel my best, go for the "whatever it is that I never thought that I could reach before" goals, because it hurts me and challenges me to believe that I can be something better than this word has proven to be over the course of my life. If I could specify exactly what parts of my life has caused me to have such poor trust, I would. I cannot share it all. I cannot share in it's entirety, unfortunately. Perhaps that is my biggest problem, that I don't define the situations that have sent me so far against the word. Would I like to not have it crowd my mind? Would I like for it to know that it gets the best of me every single time it creeps in? YES. YES. When I look at myself in the mirror I see someone trying to survive. I have learned to be a lot more patient with the word. I have learned to be a lot more open minded as well. Will this change the way that I look at the word; how I define it still? NO. I pray daily for the strength to move forward. I ask my higher power to guide me when I am feeling lost and out of control regarding the word. I have gotten angry within the past two days. I have asked myself what I have done to claim the feelings I have, what I have done to be so destructive with the word towards myself and others? I want to 100% love myself again...I want to have no second thoughts, no fleeing desires. Just when I feel like I get there...when I feel like things are beginning to change it creeps up and most of the time I am vulnerable when it does. Then I begin the failure all over, of seeing myself reaching that point of opposition again! Wanting to write this tonight to allow myself to understand that it does get better, that my higher power will take me all the way to my desired destination, if I allow Him to. If I leave it all here with this entry and rest well knowing it's no longer as deep of a feeling as it used to be, that the more and more I admit it, claim it, face it, change it...the more and more I will heal and arrive at the place of longing I want to be. I am blessed. I am blessed to have the Holy Spirit come over me and comfort me and help me to see this word as a good....a great...a terrific thing. Please pray for me friends, as I seek wholeness. ~Missy~