I can't believe surgery is one week from today. It's strange because the closer it gets, the more calm I feel. The weeks leading up to now have been pretty miserable because I've done so much worrying. Strange that, now that surgery is closer, I feel better about it. One of the hardest things about preparing for surgery was the month long food funeral. I know that others talk about how healthy they were pre-op, etc. etc. and that always makes me feel bad. I was the opposite. I felt like I had to eat everything under the sun - all I could think of was food some days. It made me feel so pathetic. And insane. Now that the liquid diet is in full swing and surgery is right around the corner, i feel much more in control. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still scared. My most common fear (today...!): If I could plan and cook healthy meals and stick to that plan, I wouldn't be in this situation - I would have lost the weight and kept it off a long time ago. What makes me think that surgery is going to make it any easier to meal plan and stick to the plan? Unfortunately, I don't know the answer to that question. I'm going to sleep on it tonight....