Haven’t blogged in a month, so this will be long.

Today marks 12 weeks since surgery and 14 weeks since the beginning of the pre-op. I’ve lost 43 lbs since surgery and 53 lbs in total. I’m damn happy with that!

How funny….at the end of that last sentence, I made a typo, and instead of an exclamation point, I typed a question mark. If that’s not my subconscious peeking through, I don’t know what is! No really, I’m happy. No way would I be at this point if I hadn’t had the surgery. I am impatient. I am dismayed that the weight loss is slowing a bit. But, I do find hope in knowing that if I apply myself, the losses will continue and time will pass and every little bit adds up to a lot. So much of weight loss is a mental game. This is the true test. To make sure that I stay the course, not just because eating healthfully is actually good for me, but because I cannot – will not – comfort myself with the wrong kinds of food. I will lose weight at exactly the rate that I am supposed to.

Now, I take this time to analyze what I am responsible for. I believe that I am eating the proper way and that I am getting a balanced diet. I am tracking my food, another plus for me. I will be downloading my sparkpeople logs and submitting them to my NUT so that she can review and give feedback. I am taking my vitamins. I am definitely reaching my protein goals. I do not feel that I am under eating nor do I feel that I am overeating.

What could I be doing better? I probably am not getting my fluids in. I am not tracking that, and how would I know for sure if I don’t track it? I am hiking 6 evenings a week, up the hills behind my house, for at least 30 minutes & sometimes longer. That is waaaaaay more than I used to do, so while I applaud myself for that, it is time to step it up again. And I have not been doing the strength training I should be doing.

I do sometimes have the fear that I will be someone for whom this surgery only gets me half way to goal. Or that the weight loss will stop altogether. I remind myself frequently that there are still things that I am responsible for, and I have no choice but to take responsibility. I have this sleeve as a tool, I have been lucky that my body has taken so well to this surgery, and I also have a tremendous source of support in the resources my surgeon’s team provides. I can contact my NUT and exercise specialist any time I want. For the rest of my life I have these tools.

What has changed for me since surgery that seems to be a Forever change for me now? Well, like I said, I am much more active. I am much more mobile and my balance is better. I love that because I can see evidence of things to come! As far as intake, I am still following a pretty pure, unprocessed, paleo type diet. I have had bread on about 2 occasions, in the form of ½ of those whole wheat skinny buns. Other than that, no bread, no rice, no pasta. No sugar! I am having fruit once a day and more vegetables than I was eating at the beginning of my diet progression.

The sleeve has certainly relaxed, so I am being careful to do the protein first thing. That definitely does the trick for filling me up, and it gives me peace of mind that I have the ability (for the rest of my life!) to be in control of my appetite. I got the sleeve because there have been times in my life that I felt insanely hungry. Now I know that I just need to eat some good dense protein and I will not feel that way! No doubt if I ate slider foods (and I could now if I wanted) I could eat and eat and feel that out of control hunger and keep eating. So I love that I have that control measure. I ALWAYS eat the protein first. And often I find that one last bite, the one bite that would be the One Bite Too Many, I discretely spit into my napkin. I will not push myself and make myself sick. I’ve gotten over the whole clean-my-plate thing. I’ve had alcohol on a couple of occasions and have been fascinated to discover that I have become a one-drink-nurse-it-all-night kind of gal. I was never like that before. I always felt driven to be gluttonous with food and drink in my previous life, and I no longer feel that way. I am so happy about that!

This is an amazing journey indeed. I am so very grateful to have been given this opportunity.

Onward!