And So My Journey Begins
And So My Journey Begins..Today is August 1st, 2013. I have been on my pre-op diet for 1 week now and am down from 230lbs to 219lbs. My highest weight being 233 3 months after my daughter Gianna was born. I was diagnosted with PCOS at the age of 21 after years of searching for an answer to my irreguar cylces. From then on My weight continued to climb from 145lbs and creeped up to 185lbs pre-pregnancy. Seeing as I had Pcos my only option at a sucessful pregnancy was IVF. It worked on our first try and my husband and I were expecting Twins in mid October 2010. A few months before my due date I went into the hospital not feeling well and the next day my twins were delivered by emergency c-section. My son was alive for 7 days until he passed away with kidney malfunction. My beautiful daughter Christina Marie stayed in the Nicu for 5 weeks and came home with us on an apnea monitor. I had gained a good 50lbs and been diagnosted with pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes..A few weeks after pregnancy my weight leveled off at 210 lbs. When my daughter was 5 months old we tried again, and once again successfully conceived my daughter Gianna who is now 21 months old. I had gained another 50lbs with that pregnancy despite normal eating habits. I lost 30lbs 3 weeks after effortlessly, but the last pesky 20lbs wouldnt budge. (Partly due to Pcos, Partly due to my love of carbs) So here I was at 233lbs. How did this happen, how did I become "The Fat girl", the fat wife, the fat mother. All of the things I never wanted to be. I am truely blessed with a great husband, two gorgeous healthy daughters and have never been happier but at 233lbs I felt like I just wanted to hide under a rock. Everytime I saw a picture of myself, it was as if I was looking at a stranger. Who had I become. I tried the Atkins diet and stuck to it religiously for a month only to see a 1lb weight loss. i carried on with it a bit discouraged but managed to lose another 9 lbs over the course of 5 months. In June 2013 my husbands friends wife came over who had had the lap band. She said she couldnt be happier with her results and the band in general. That was it, that was my ticket, my way OUT of this unrecogizable body. So I quickly set up my consult my Dr Barkan at Winthrop. He recommended the sleeve for me. My mind was already SET on Lap band. I left a little confused and scared of what my options were. The lapband seemed simple, easy, you were out of the hospital same day. After MUCH research I was alarmed by the horror stories of the band. I told my mom and husband that I had decided to do "The Sleeve". My husband was very supportive and my mom was a bit scared for me. Seems a bit drastic she said. "Just eat smaller portions like if you had the sleeve." Well why didnt I ever thnk of that. Of course I did. Nothing has worked and that was that. I immediately scheduled all of my pre-op appointments to get the ball rolling. I wanted out of this body as soon as possible. So here I am 1 week into my pre-op diet. I have broken out of the 220's and well on my way. I am hoping by surgery I will be at 215lbs. MY EXPECTATIONS. I expect to lose very slowly as I always have been a slow loser (Except on this starvation liquid diet : ) If I can be back where I was before my first pregnancy before the year ends (185lbs) ( 4 1/2 months)30lbs I will be thrilled. I expect this to be a long road but this road will not end the day I hit my preferred weight. It is a life long journey. This is NOT a golden ticket to effortlessly be thin over night. It will take will power and exercise to win this battle. I can vaguely see a future where I am a healthy and fit mother and wife. Where I take pride in my body and that confidence reflects on my 2 daugheters and teaches them to be confident young women with healthy self esteems. Where I feel confortable "being" with my husband wihout getting angry and frustrated with myself. I want to be a runner, a gym rat if you will. I can see it all in my future as I sit here in tears. Tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of hope and tears of gratitude to be given this opportunity to become the self that I have always wanted to be, the self that I image deep in side, the self that I knew long ago. It is now Day 7 Of The Rest Of My Life!!
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