So before the Vacay I ordered a treadmill. My schedule is so hectic that I can't get to the gym (without getting up earlier than my 5am start now or staying up later than 9:30- which I can't do). It arrived today and I am sitting here blogging as my darling husband puts it together. Almost didn't happen. The company I ordered from (Nordic Track) only delivered to the garage - we knew that. Thank God it is going in the room off the garage. My sister and fiancé said they would help bring it in - it weighs almost 300 lbs. at the very last minute we got a call - no can do how about tomorrow.

Now let me tell you a bit about my little sister. She is 5'5" and a size 8 with a challenged IQ but as smart as a whip getting what she wants. Earlier she had come by to get my wedding veil and tiara for her destination wedding. She got those. Now when I needed her help - yep too busy. She is currently the "favored" child in my sibling cluster of 8 (another story for another day) which is feeding her head.

I tell you this because as I hung up the phone I realized......she is one of my triggers. As I thought about whether I had any "snack" food available I was pulled up short. I had just had a pretty good snack- I wasn't hungry. This was true emotion eating.

I then spent the next hour figuring out what emotion. Jealous - not if the size 8 - I am heading there; Envy - nope I have been favored child most of my life and my "position" was vacated by choice not from a hostile takeover; Anger - maybe somewhat - I really want my treadmill. Finally I figured it out. I don't even know if it is an emotion....it's the fact I was taken advantage of and used.

I am a giver by nature. It's what I do. I help. When I finally ask for help from someone in my life I get shot down. I was hurt, felt used and frustrated. Maybe that is the emotion...frustration. Nothing I can do about it and I pay the price.

I didn't eat... I am 2 days into pre-op diet - no way was I going to lose that. Instead I advised my sister I didn't need her help.

My amazing husband along with my will we got it in ourselves (no injuries no damage). We have just plugged it in and guess what.....I'm running tomorrow!

Further more I am now more aware that frustrated eating (stress possibly ) is an eating trigger. Good thing I got that treadmill!!!