Today marks 5 weeks since surgery. I am down 35 lbs since start of pre-op, 25 since surgery itself. I’m currently going roughly ½ lb per day, so I am sure not complaining. I feel I have a normal appetite when there’s not food in front of me, in other words, I do get hungry. But once the food is in front of me I don’t really want it. I kinda do miss enjoying my food, but honestly, this is what I signed up for, and I prefer the way I am now. It will just take some getting used to. For 41 years I have been food-obsessed (yes even as an infant, according to my mom). It will no doubt take a while to learn to refocus my energy. I have an awareness that I need to really take advantage of this honeymoon period to change my habits, because I know eventually it will become physically easier and more satisfying to eat and therefore I will be in danger of over eating again. Actually, I think the real danger will be in eating the wrong things.

Emotional eating was never my problem, I honestly feel like I was crazy-hungry (the grehlin monster?). Preparing for surgery, I was open to the possibility that I was an emotional eater – I really wanted to figure out the issues and deal with them head on. But apparently that wasn't my problem. My problem was a big appetitie for the wrong things, which exacerbates the cravings for more of the wrong things, which leads to weight gain, which leads to inhibited activity. And down goes the spiral from there. I finally feel like my spiral is turning upward! And, the point of my emotional eating tangent here is that yesterday I had a pretty nasty argument with my husband (we’re good now, thanks), and all I really wanted to make me feel better after our fight was………a cigarette. Ha! I quit in January, and I miss it. But I don’t miss all the icky things that go along with it, so I’ll deal. But I took a moment to acknowledge that in my time of stress I didn't want a chocolate bar. It was interesting to me.

I’m also dealing with my impatience – it doesn't seem fair that I am practicing the habits of a fit & slim person, yet I will have to wait months and months (and possible more) to actually BE a fit & slim person. But I guess it's that instant -gratification mentality that got me here in the first place. A healthy weight is not something to be grabbed at the drive-through (figuratively AND literally) This will take time and it will be worth it. I vow to try to find ways to enjoy the journey. It’s going to take time, may as well find it entertaining on the way, right?

Onward!