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Yep..need to document this....

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abbygirl

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blogs/blog-0256262001371564127.jpgYep need to start documenting this before I forget everything. Not to say I won't have the visual reminders to help me remember where I started (pictures, clothes, bum imprint on the couch) but it is the other things that fade with time that do not have a physical reminder. The worry about the what ifs and can I , the concern about what will happen and what won't happen.

 

Right now my biggest concern is not the surgery. Considering, in 6 weeks they are removing a significant portion of my stomach you would think that is the worry. But nope I have blown right through that like an out of control 3 year old in the toy department at Christmas. I have even moved beyond the thought of recovery pain and the "possible" side effects it will bring. Nope I am already into....what if it doesn't work - which of course turns into it doesn't look like its working in after surgery thought (always wanted to be ahead of the class even in grade school...skipped right past glue eating to advanced macaroni art).

 

Yep that is where I am at. I see pictures, read forums and absorb before and after pictures like a teenage boy absorbs girlie mags....but still I have that voice (to be named later) in my head saying what if it doesn't work. What if you go through all of this just to lose it and then gain? That doesn't mean I don't want to do it. I'm funny that way I still want to try it however unlike the tattoo I "tried" this can not be covered with clothes. Once people know they will start to judge and comment (you haven't lost much, was it REALLY worth it, or my favorite you looked better before).

 

Nope this change will be out there for all to see, judge and comment about...which brings me to my issue...what if it doesn't work.....my head says it will but my inner skinny person who is really shy questions me.

 

Maybe I should be worrying about excess skin and whether because of it my "hidden" tattoo will be even harder to find in its wrinkles .....:)

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I hear ya! Sadly, I have first hand experience with your concerns. I had the lapband and it didnt work. After regaining 'ALL and then some' of my lapband weight loss, I heard a few comments about it and got many looks, but I was my own biggest critic. While burying my head in the sand (pretending to ignore my expanding waistline), I couldn't see that I had choices. I believed that I had failed and I let that fear paralyze me for a long time. In hindsight, my fear was the biggest hinderance to my success. I'm so thankful that I found the courage to try again.

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That crap goes thru my head when it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. Even if no one would say it out loud - the voices in my head would be singing "I told you so" -- we are all our worst critics. I am 6 wks out from surgery too, and as with everything I have my good days and my bad days. Which I guess is to say, we all need to go one day at a time

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I have wanted surgery since 2004, I only got on the ball and started the process 2012. All little voice was sent packing. I got 25 lbs off and fight everyday to keep it off. But I know I can do this. In between it all have had several other surgeries the hardest being having part of my thyroid removed. If I can get through that I will be fine. I told myself I would never talk or sing again. I am here to tell the voices of worry were sent packing. I took it one day at a time, voiced all concerns to my doctor and all is well.

Hang in there abbygirl. We are all here for you.

Continued success on your journey.

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Because I know folks often judge & say we've taken the easy way out, which is far from the truth, I told only my husband & 2 very close friends just in case i slipped up. Didn't want to hear the crap, so I kept it very private. I've always been a very private person, so my journey has been awesome & judgement free thus far.

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