"Have you ever thought of yourself as small?" The psychiatrist's nose wrinkled and he appeared puzzled - but, not half as puzzled as I was....I'm sitting here before you - getting clearance for bariatric surgery, the sides of your chair are pushing into my thighs, and you have the nerve to ask me "have I ever thought of myself as small!!" Really?

Small is definitely a foreign word to me....and going through with Gastric Sleeve Surgery is like traveling to a far off land - Africa, Vietnam....I'm learning the language, the culture...and I'm trying to learn about myself in that land. Thank God for forums like this, that people like me can become more comfortable and at ease with everything about this surgery.

Until now, I've known friends that have gone through it - some successful, some not. And, I had the horrible experience of a coworker that actually died a week after the gastric bypass in 2001. So, you can imagine the feedback I've been receiving from the coworkers, that I still work with, when I tell them what I'm going to do! Not the most positive, to say the least!

But, after tons of research, and more research, and being told by two doctors that the need for me to do something is greater than the need to not - I am going to do it!

So, here I am - 12 weeks out - my surgery is tentatively scheduled for August 19th. But, I'm anxious - I can't wait - and keep eating and eating - until that date. I need to start it now! Each week, I'm going to do something to modify my diet or change my eating patterns, so - the day after surgery, I won't be in some incredible shock. I want to ease into the surgery....

Here's the format:

May 27, 2013

12 weeks post op -

Current weight: 320.2

Goal weight: 172

Height: 5'10"

My weekly diet modifications:

Change from regular coffee to half reg/half decaf

Change from regular bread to light bread

Change from potatoes and rice to cottage cheese

My weekly behavioral modifications:

Eat dinner minus the television - this means, the TV cannot be turned on and I will focus more on the food that I am eating.

Pre surgery tasks -

No appointments this week, but I do need to complete the exercises for the psychologist's second visit

Ok - so there it is - next week, I'll be hopefully reporting a weight loss - maybe one or two pounds...and I'll tell you what's next........