Where do I begin? I have always been on the heavy side, even as a kid. When I was in grade school all the way 2 college I found out just how cruel ppl can be. I was always the pretty fat girl & that bothered me, so I transformed myself into sombdy I wasn't. I would tell jokes about myself b4 anybody got the chance 2 & I was mean/confrontational. Ppl were scared 2 say something about me & if they did they didnt say it so I could here it or else! They had no idea that I really would cry if they tlked 2 loud 2 me but I didnt care..I was good at it. At graduation, which is supposed 2 be the happiest time of ur life, when I walked across the stage this boy said "now thats a big girl"..I died inside but I slapped the hell outta him infornt of EVERYBODY even his guest at the ceremony. Time went on & I met a guy, we begin 2 date while I was in college & I was SO in love with him because he gave me the attention I NEVER had. I started slacking in school & 1 day while I was home for the weekend, I told my cousin that I had missed my cycle, so we went 2 buy a test & the results were positive...omg, I thought my mother was going 2 kill me. Clearly she didnt because I'm typing this blog...lol but during that pregnancy I gained 80lbs, they labeled me as high risk & I had to have a c-section. While I was being preped the doctor told me u dont need 2 have any more kids because you are too big. Who the hell tells sombdy that while they're about 2 have a baby? I felt so bad, like I didnt deserve 2 have my baby but anyway 1/24/03 at 11:36 am, I had a healthy baby boy. Ok, so now I'm home from the hosp & my kids dad, is staying out all night & sleeping all day...so I had 2 do everything on my own, with a wound from the c-section. Time went on & then I dropped out of school because I couldnt depend on his father 2 work because he was still doing the same old stuff...but I realize that the more he did nothing the more I ate. When my son turned 11 months stupidly I married his dad. The 2nd week in our own place, I realized that he was starting 2 act strange so lke every women, I began 2 investigate him lol. Weeks went by & we got our 1st phone bill and I seen a # on it i didnt recognize, so I called it...a woman answer & said "hey baby", I said "excuse me" & she hung up..so now I knew it was something going on. I confronted him & he said it was nothing & I was crazy. I could remember going in2 the kitchen cooking a BIG dinner, he thought I was trying 2 poison him but I just wanted 2 eat something. I was out of control of the things going on around me but the 1 thing that I COULD control was what I ate. Over the next several years, it was woman after woman & because " I LOVED HIM" I stayed with him & I just ate & ate. One year, we had moved in2 a new place & he got a job doing security, he loved it! I was so happy because he wasnt working the entire marriage, my family & I were pulling the load. Well one night he got up & left for work...dressed, he had a lunch & was goin 2 be on time. Well around 9 oclock, I called him & there was no answer...so I waited a while & called again, still no answer..so I went 2 sleep. When he got home the next morning I asked him what happened & he said he was tired & went to bed. I looked thru his phone & saw he was txting a girl that he apparently just met because it was begining stuff, so I wake him up, confronted him & he said "Im a grown man I do what I want 2". I started crying & left the room only 2 go make me & my baby a BIG bowl of ice cream, so I could try 2 make myself feel better. A few months went by, he lost his job becuase he stopped going, & he was dropping me off at work every morning and taking the baby 2 school, so I thought things were getting better...until I get a private phone call from a girl named Keisha. She asked me who I was because my name was in her man's phone. TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!