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My 5 year old broke my heart and my decision is made... I AM HAVING SURGERY!

lyndeeboo

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I've finally completed all of my insurance req's and am now awaiting approval. Since I've completed my requirements I guess this entire process has become really 'real' to me and it scared me. I kept asking myself if I really NEEDED this surgery...why couldn't I lose wieght on my own? Am I being lazy and taking the easy way out? Is it worth putting myself under the knife and having major surgery when I'm already too lazy to eat right and exercise? Am I wasting my family's money by having surgery? etc, etc, etc.

Well tonight my sweet 5 year old ittle girl innocently made a statement that first broke my heart and then made me realize without a doubt this surgery is the right thing for me.

We were driving home and she asked what would happen if I started to drown (We have a pool and swim a lot. I used to teach swim lessons and water safety, so water safety is REALLY important to me). I said, "Well, if I was truly drowning and couldn't get out, hopefully someone would help me out of the water." She replied (Here's where my heart broke...) "But Mommy, you're so big. How would they be able to pull you out? You're too heavy." And THEN she tried to backtrack...that broke my heart even more. She shouldn't have to worry about what she says to me and if it hurts my feelings. She shouldn't have to try to change what she said to make me feel better - - she's FIVE!

AND THAT DID IT FOLKS. I almost broke down in tears right there in my car. I can hide from cameras, I can hide from the mirror. I can ignore the fact that my clothes are too tight I can hardly zip my pants. I can look past my double chin. I can choose to not look at my stretch marks. I can ignore being breathless just from walking from my car to my house. I can not pay attention to the fact that I now have to undo my top button to my jeans when sitting at my desk because it is digging in to my stomach. I can pop another blood pressure pill and ignore my high blood pressure...

But I cannot ignore the fact that my kids notice I'm overweight and that kills me. I guess up until then I knew I was wayyyyy too heavy but since no one else would address it I could go on my merry-way and ignore it. But there's no ignoring it anymore. I have to do something more powerful than myself so that I can stop living a hollow life and stop living in the shadows, hoping no one addresses the fact that I am unhealthy. The heck with the fact that I am so unattractive anymore, I am unhealthy and am not the role model that my kids deserve.

So I'm having this surgery.

I don't care how it happens, I need this surgery. I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy. I need to start caring about myself. I need to start caring about my family and their future - - with ME in it.



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Thanks for taking the time to read my blog post! I appreciate the support! I wrote it when the feelings were SO raw so that when I lost this motivation I could go back and read it and reread over and over again...I'm sure I will have moments when I'm afraid but those won't compare to what I felt last night.

Thank you SO much for the support. I love this place :)

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Your post is very "close to home" and I totally identify and empathize with you! Your reasoning and commitment are echoed in my heart and soul.

Welcome to the healthy sleevers club!

I wish you many many happy smiles into the eyes of your family as you put yourself first so you can be what you long to be for them!

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Thank you ladies. It's so nice to have the support of others who actually KNOW what I'm going through instead of always hearing "Well if you'd just eat less..." from well-meaning people.

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Your post really hit home with me too. I think all of us with kids, especially younger kids, have similar moments. Mine was a few weeks ago when my daughter (she's 3) asked me for a piggyback ride and then said "It doesn't work. You're too big!" when her legs didn't fit around me like they do when her daddy gives the ride. Ouch! But definitely affirmed my decision to move forward with my surgery. Now, I am excited and looking forward to the day when I can give her that piggyback ride properly!

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Your post really hit home with me too. I think all of us with kids, especially younger kids, have similar moments. Mine was a few weeks ago when my daughter (she's 3) asked me for a piggyback ride and then said "It doesn't work. You're too big!" when her legs didn't fit around me like they do when her daddy gives the ride. Ouch! But definitely affirmed my decision to move forward with my surgery. Now, I am excited and looking forward to the day when I can give her that piggyback ride properly!

Exactly! I'm looking forward to those moments when I'm not "too big" to do things with them! It's kind of silly when I think about myself....I'm scared to have surgery for ME (afraid of pain, complications, etc) but then when I think of THEM and their future with me being so unhealthy and out of shape it's almost like I get a false sense of bravery and for a brief moment forget about MY fears because I owe it to THEM. Ahhhh, if I can just keep up this bravery until AFTER I have surgery :)

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Made me tear up too. As a mother and grandmother I understand about getting healthy for "them" but I think to overcome your fear and anxiety you have to decide to get healthy for "you". You are the one that has to live in your skin, no one else.

Getting the VSG is the best gift I have ever gotten let alone done for myself. I actually caught myself getting resentful that I waited so long to get it done (I'm 57 next month) but you know what? This is all in God's timing - He loves me and knows exactly what I need and when I need it.

He loves you too :-)

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You can do it! This will be the best decision you have ever made! Not only for your kids but for you too... All of those other things that you have chosen to ignore over the years will also be your victories! Welcome to a whole new life, and a whole new you! Be proud of your self... You are about to start a whole new story for yourself and your family! :)

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Thank ladies! I LOVE this place! You are all wayyyyy too good for a girl's self-esteem!

I'm so encouraged by all of you that have had this surgery and seem to have no major regrets. Thank you for taking the time to be so supportive.

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It's our responsibility as Sleevers to educate the ill-informed. This is NOT the easy way out. It is a lifetime commitment to good health and it isn't just handed to us. We still have to be mindful of what we eat.

The end REALLY DOES justify the means in this topic. America has an obesity problem that is not slowing down. Everyone I know who struggles to lose weight tries a variety of appetite suppressants. And, they are not judged harshly for trying them. The majority of those who lose weight end up gaining it all back and more.

Sleeve is the most effective appetite suppressant available and its long-term success rate blows all the others out of the water! It's that simple.

It's not the easy way. It's the smart way and its worth every penny, every abandoned cheeseburger, every change of wardrobe, all of it. We get to be healthy again! And WHATEVER IT TAKES, everyone needs to redirect themselves to better health. No judgment.

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