Ok sorry I havent written in a while we have been running like crazy for baseball and other

school things! I am back and I am back on track! That being said, normally when we are in

such rushes I have poor choices of foods and such. I have been doing such a great job in

this are and with little to no effort! Could this be because I am finally telling my story?

There has been a lot of things I have told here that I have never spoken about, still more -

but progress is progress! That being said lets get back to my story shall we? You would

think once he moved out and was no longer in my home things would ease up, not always the

case.

So Steve moved in with his mother and step father, he had gotten a part time job working for

wal mart. His first pay check he came right to my house with $125 for me. I was honestly

shocked! I in turn told him in order for us to make this as easy on the kids as possible

that I think it would be good for him to stop by several times a week, the door was always

open before their bedtime all he had to do was call. This worked out for about 2 weeks. It

had to become more restricted once he showed up at my house and thought it was still alright

for him to yell at me while Don was not there, in front of my kids! So we limited visits to

times that Don was home (with the exception of the times he came to get the kids). When we

finally went to court I made sure the judge put some things in the order such as it was his

responsibility to have car seats for the younger children and to provide transportation. He

was not "allowed" to argue with me in front of the children.

Everything went alright for about a month he showed up to get the kids and I had some things

that he had every right to if he wanted them, one of these items was a push mower for the

lawn so I offered it to him, he said he would take it. When he showed up he stayed in the

yard for a few minutes with the kids playing, then asked one of them to come ask me if he

could borrow my car seats! Mind you, they were 3 and a half at the time! When that failed

him he then went to Don. Don laughed and said to him I think the court order said for you to

have your own, you havent paid any support in a few months, you are still working and you

live with your mom, how can you not be able to spend $15 on each of the kids and get a

booster seat? You have to ask Reena, I have no say. So he came to me, I flipped out I

repeated what Don had told him and added in that I have not only one car seat for each child

but two for them since we have 2 cars, if I can afford to feed them, clothe them, pay the

sitter, put a roof over their heads ect, AND have two car seats then he can afford to buy

one! He left that day with no children.

A few weeks went by before he finally got the car seats, every once in a while I would use

him as a baby sitter to save me money. One day I was very sick and I needed to go to like a

urgent care so that I wouldnt miss any time from work. So I called Steve and asked if he

would come sit with the kids while I went. He agreed. He showed up and I told him I already

had food made, everything was all set just keep everyone out of my room. I went to the

doctors. While at the doctors they confirmed what I thought was the case, I was pregnant!

Now please don't think of me as irresponsible or anything like that and try to understand, I

have had 3 miscarriages and when I was pregnant with the twins I had a lot of assistance to

keep the pregnancy. So when they said I was pregnant I was scared! I did not want to lose

another baby, I didnt not want my boyfriend who had no children of his own to suffer through

such a thing. I was pleased, because a baby is a blessing no matter what time of day, but I

was afraid because there was a very high chance I would never get to hold that baby!

So on the way home I went over everything in my head. Don already knew I was pregnant and my

mother knew I was pregnant but we hadn't told anyone else. There was a few reasons behind

keeping the news to ourselves, the first on the list was the chance of loss, the second

reason was religon. I had decided to keep the reason for my illness to myself a bit longer,

Steve didnt need to know just yet.

When I arrived back home Steve was making small talk with me about my relationship with Don.

He saying how I was going too fast with Don, it was a relationship based around sex we had

nothing in common and eventually I would open my eyes and come back to him. I got very angry

so I said "would you like to know the real reason I had to go to the doctors today?" I took

the papers that they had given me in bold letters at the top of the page it said "You were

seen today for :pregnancy" and slapped them onto the counter! He read it twice, then he

said "you're f****** kidding me! What a f****** joke!" he laughed and went out the door. My

heart smiled as he drove away.

Later that night as I was going to bed I realized that there was something ... missing!

First I noticed a game system of Don's was gone, then I began poking around and realized a

ring my mother had given me was gone (it wasnt much as far as dollar value, but what it

meant to me had no price tag) a huge amount of video games were gone, just a bunch of

things, most from inside my bedroom. So the following day I called his mother's house and I

told her what was going on she said "oh I should have warned you, I have had things coming

up missing too!" Well, why are you ignoring this?! I asked her if I could come over to get

my things from him, she said yes.

Once she got off the phone with me she gave him her car keys and told him to leave. So when

I showed up she let me go through his whole room and take whatever was mine. I found

everything but my ring. (that was small enough to put in his pocket, I took some pleasure in

the fact that he would only see about $15 for it when he pawned it). We took our things back

to our house and nothing much was said or done about it, after all he and I were still

married and we shared children, according to the law in NY he still had every right to my

house and the things inside it!

I think it was about 2 weeks before father's day when Steve's mother called me, she was

crying and upset. She said they had to call the police because Steve had stolen a large

amount of money from her bank account, she didnt tell me an exact amount but that the over

draft was around $900! As it turns out, if you know the judge and you were arrested for

stealing from your mom? You get to go home that night because he called me the next day

laughing about the situation!

I had to allow him to take the kids, it was his weekend. So he came and got them without any

problems. He was supposed to get them by 10 am and bring them home at 6pm. Sometime around

11:30 am he showed up to get them, it was 3pm when he returned with them. His reasoning "the

twins were getting into stuff" So I gave my opinion, I said it must be nice to be able to

just pack up the kids and return them the minute they get slightly difficult. Then he began

to argue with me over things that had nothing to do with the kids all about the past. I

asked him to leave, I mean my children were right there as he was calling me things such

as a ****, a ***** ect. He refused to leave. I went inside and he follwed me, at which

point I felt threatened. I thought to myself there was no way in hell I was going to let him

push me back in my hole again! So I began yelling at him, I told him he had to leave. He

yelled back that he didnt! I said "alright fine! lets see if Im right, Ill give the cops a

call!" so I picked up the phone and for the first time in my life I called the police on my

husband! He took off as soon as he realized I was actually on the phone with someone. The

police showed up the officer did tell me there was actually nothing they can do since he and

I are still married, he suggested that I move to a new location where he has never lived.

Father's day rolled around, I had become very uneasy about dealing with Steve. I had made it

clear that someone else had to be there any time we were to exchange the kids or anything.

So the idea for father's day was that he could see the kids but he wouldn't be left alone

with them. I would meet him at a public place with the children. I wouldnt be in the mix,

more a bystander just watching. So on father's day I called to see where and when he wanted

to meet. His step father answered the phone (a less than friendly guy, since Steve had

filled their heads with garbage about me) I asked for Steve, he said "he can't come to the

phone right now, he is talking with an officer. I have 2 handguns that have come up

missing!" This alarmed me since just days before he had text me saying how I was lucky to

not become front page news yet! He ended up being taken into custody by the police but

released that night.

The next morning I went to family court to get a stay away order and restraining order. I

had found out too that he was back into the drugs full force. I had given him $1000.00 of my

tax returns to wrap up our last year together (if he was smart and took me to court, my

lawyer said he would get at LEAST half! so I offered $1000) come to find out this money went

towards a weekend cocaine bindge. He said he had stolen those guns and traded them for drugs

that was also why he had stolen all of the other items from his mom and the money! He lost

his job, never told anyone so he still had use of a car. So I go to the advacate at family

court and I tell her my story, I asked her if we could move for an emergency stay away. This

would mean the judge had to rule on it today, and that Steve would be served today, he would

not be allowed to call my house (the kids would call him) he couldnt see the children until

we returned to court for a modification of visitation, he would not be allowed to come to my

work place or the school for at least 6 months. The advacate said yes, we moved forward with

the paperwork. I arrived at court at 7:45AM, I finally saw the judge at 4:30PM! When I went

in before this judge I explained to her about the text messages and the missing guns, his

drug habbits and explosive behaviors. She said to me "yeah, but do you REALLY think he will

harm you?!" as if I would wait around all damn day because I wanted to be a thorn in his

side! My reply? "I honestly don't know what he might do while he is under the influance, he

has surprised me more than once!"

She reluctantly granted me my requests. It was a good thing too becauses he was still

walking free and the police had yet to locate those missing guns!

More to come, I NEED to go get my nails done! A quick thank you for all of you who defended

me and my writing on the last post. I love to know there are people that stand behind me.

Although it has taken me almost 4 years, I am finally starting to see, I am a warrior and

one of the best kind too! The kind that hasnt given up. I hope I can inspire others to stand

up to their battles and have the inner strength to be victorious!