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Stressed Out and Overwhelmed

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smjuroska

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Ok this week has been a doozy. I have been so busy with life and then on top of that trying to get all this pre-op appointments behind me. I had to cancel my last f/u with my psy to go to a NUT appt. I couldn't do both so I had to make a choice. Damn work! Anyway it is how it goes sometimes. So now I am rescheduled on June 5th! Really that feels like a lifetime away. I will never get a surgery date!

I have had hurdle after hurdle to get this surgery and it has me questioning my choice again. I know this is right but then there is this little voice saying maybe all this is a sign. (Damn little voice...bet it's my stomach! I have been depriving it of junk and refined sugar!) Plus at my psy computer test the Dr. said, "You arent that big. I can't believe you are considering surgery. Yes on paper you are obese but you carry it well."(thanks I guess but I don't feel that way and my joints and lungs don't like it either) Then again yesterday the NUT said, "Are you sure you can't lose the weight without surgery you don't have too much to lose. Surgery is a lifetime change. Most of our patients are 350+. " Um hello people my BMI is 41 I need to lose a little over 100 pounds to be within a normal BMI. Plus if I keep on my track I will be one of those patients in 10 years! I thought after being apporved by insurance the hurdles would stop. But they don't.

So I thought I made peace with this little voice. Then today my PCP office called and informed me their lab no longer accepts Quest and I would have to pay 350.00 up front or go get the blood work done at Quest. The nearest Quest is 45 minutes away. Really?! If I was just honest with my employer I could get my labs and EKG done here. So I am making this so much harder on myself and the voice is back. I really don't want to have to go to my boss and admit that while my gallbladder is being removed so is 80% of my stomach and that is why I am having so many appts. I work at a drs office so I am sure they are on to me. Gallbladder surgery doesn't require all I have gone through. I feel like I am being pushed to my limit. I have had atleast 1 appt every week for over a month now and I feel like they are all saying the same thing. Madness! Plus the co-pays and PTO!

On the bright side I have surprisingly not "cheated" on my low-carb diet. I have had to talk myself out of eating a candy bar a few times! One was last night I had it unwrapped and everything. I threw it away then looked at it in the trash (almost a Senfield moment). But I conquered! woohoo!

Anyway...I am not the only one who is going through this and I have to remember that. It will all be ok...right? So how did y'all deal with the stress leading up to surgery? How did you handle the appts. and work with your boss?

 

TGIfreakingF!

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Oh sweet lady! I could have written this post myself but since I'm having a 'strong' day I can tell you this: you ARE doing the right thing IF this is what you want! Nothing in life is ever easy, but you have to just keep rolling with the punches. I am like you in not telling anyone (besides a few close friends and my husband) that I'm having surgery. I've had to go to wayyyyy too many appointments and I feel like my boss and coworkers HAVE to know something is up...then again, maybe they're all too busy to notice? I hope so :)

Don't be so hard on yourself! It sucks that you're having so much come up over and over again that seems like it's getting in the way, but the fact remains that you're still trucking along and that is GREAT!

Take one day at a time, celebrate your successes (like the candy bar - - yay you!!!) and I'm sure your surgery date will be here before you know it!!!

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Thanks Lyndeeboo! I don't know why I get so so stressed about the small stuff I can't control! All I can do is let my work know I have appts. and if it is a problem they will let me know. I just work myself up sometimes! Don't we all?! Your encourgement brought me back to reality!

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My BMI was just over 40 when I was approved for the surgery. The only ones to question my sanity over the surgery were my sister and a co worker..

Dont listen to that little voice of doubt. You have worked hard to get to this point and deep down you know why you are doing this. I am one month out and do not regret my decision to be sleeved.

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I used to get I wasn't that big. I wear my weight well. Let me tell you, I have lost over 55 lbs and have 25 to go... It is a whole new me. No more sleep apnea, incontinence, hurting knees and ankles, migraines are minimized, mood swings are down... best decision I ever made!!!

There was a discussion on this board about telling others. Some keep it very private and some don't. I am pretty much an open book - besides, people are going to know you did something when you start looking awesome. Plus, if I can help anyone else who has struggled with weight the way we have, it is worth it. To me, I would rather spent $350 on something else than labs!

My boss was awesome bout the appointments before and after. He really wanted me to be healthy. I was so lucky in that respect. He checks on me all the time to see how i am doing. He even commented in our last meeting about how high energy I am (I was before but now it is ridiculous). I just prioritized my appointments and got as many of them as early in the day or late in the day. My therapist really worked with me as well.

Tell you stomach to be quiet and let the brain work. You got this!

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I forgot to add - my BMI was 36.1 - but it is amazing now to realize how much that weight was affecting my life!

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