We moved into a place owned by a friend of ours. It was located about 3 miles from any store and our friend offered to help as much as he could in keeping

Steve sober. I started working a second job and after a few months of moving into this new place everything started going really well for us! Steve was

sober and money was coming in, he and I were happy again. I had gotten my son into special education pre-school, he was doing great!

During the time we lived with my parents I had a second miscarrage, we really wanted to have another baby especially now that our life together was looking

great. I started seeing a specialist who helped me figure out why I kept losing pregnancies and what we could do to help prevent it the next time. After

Steve had been sober for a year and 3 months I found out I was pregnant!

Around week 10 we found out we were having twins!! Once this was determined we started working very hard at getting Steve his license back. The babies were

due in Jan 2007, we were to have them by c-section in Dec of 2006. My doctors were only going to let me work until Oct of 2006. On Oct 8th 2006 Steve got

his license, On Oct 10th 2006 I had my last day at work. On Oct 11th 2006 Steve started his new job! Hows that for handy work!!

In Nov 2006 we had a big problem with the friend we were renting from. There were many different problems. I would tell my sister about them and eventually

she offered that we move in with her until the twins were born, this way I would have some help with them when I came home from the hospital. Sounded like

the best option since we didnt have much money to work with at the time. So we moved in with my sister mid Nov. Now let me explain my relationship with this

sister. She and I have always had a rocky relationship, right up until her first child was born, at that point it was like we both just said "oh okay, its

time to be a grown up now".

We moved into my sister's within a week of living there she and I went right back to old times, we didn't get along we could hardly stand to look at each

other! I don't know why and as easy as it would be to blame her for it all I just can't. Steve and I were still doing alright, he was working most of the

time so i had to take care of our son alone most of the time.

On Dec 20th 2006 at 7AM I gave birth to two beautiful babies! Baby "a" was a boy and baby "b" was a girl, both were healthy and perfect. I too was healthy

and the three of us returned home on Dec 23rd just in time to have Christmas with the family! Steve went right back to work a week after the twins were

born, So I was running this ship solo.

In Jan I started noticing some money coming up unaccounted for. So if we started with $300 and ended with $50 I could only explain where $175 of it went.

The rest was just.. gone! This was horrible since I was trying to save up so we could get out on our own. Steve never had an aswer for it. One time $260

came up missing, and to some people out there that may not seem like a big deal but to me at that time, that was half a pay check! And remember I had twins

to care for! Steve had no real explaination at all, he said he got the money out of the bank so he could get tires for the car then when he went to get the

tires the money was missing.

When I was cleaning up our rooms at my sisters house one time I had found a perscription bottle of mine from when I had the twins, my doctor put me on very

strong pain medication and the bottle was empty! I never took any. I asked Steve about it he said he had been taking them for a toothache. In April 2007 we

moved out of my sister's and into our own home.

When we first moved in Steve was still working, he would complain of headaches and or toothaches that always landed him in the doctors for pain medication.

I started getting worried about it and confronting him. He assured me it wasnt a problem and then he backed off going to the doctors.

I started seeing a change im Steve that I couldn't explain, he seemed less and less motivated. Often money would come up missing and I just couldnt put my

finger on what was going on. In Nov 2007 he came home and said that he had gotten laid off from his job. Mind you it was highly unlikely that this was the

truth and I knew that. So the next month or so he went around "looking for work" non stop. He ended up getting a job in some factory but he needed boots and

special clothes and all of this was expensive so his mother said she would give him the money for it. He got the money from her but never made it to work

there. Also never bought the items he needed.

A woman moved in next door to us who was a single mom and she had a son who was the same age as my oldest so we got pretty involved with her. She seemed

like a nice enough lady. Steve got a job working for the school district, cleaning. I slowly noticed that the woman next door seemed to be getting too close

for comfort.

One day while Steve was at work and I was home alone with my neice and my 3 kids, two complete strangers came to my door. It was two ladys who lived near by

and they each had kids that would play with my kids sometimes. They asked if I would step outside with them for a minute. I did, the one lady said she was

so sorry to be the one to tell me about this but if it were her husband she would want to know. After that she let it loose! She saw my husband with the

lady next door sitting at a park at a picnic table holding hands and touching each others legs ect. She said she has seen him park his car down the road and

then walk in her house through her back door. In not so many words my husband was cheating on me! I thanked them for coming to me with it and they left.

I had a lot to deal with, alot to process! I asked my neice to sit with my kids for a few minutes and I went outside, got my bike and rode it to the school

(about 2 miles away) where Steve was working. I found him and asked him about it, he said no way these people are just trying to cause problems. I didnt

believe him, but I didnt have proof he was wrong either. I went back home and I decided I would just watch how things went. Over the next few months my

world got turned upside down!

There were times that Steve went fishing with his friend, he wouldnt come in until 4 am and the woman next door would be waiting outside for him! I

confronted him about it and he said she just had a bad day and needed to talk. I told him that she needed to call her girlfriend then, not wait up for my

husband. He said I was just jealous. On mother's day I woke up and was making a cup of coffee, none of the kids were awake yet. Steve came to the kitchen

and said we needed to talk. I told him to go ahead, he said he didnt love me anymore and wanted to change things. I didnt believe in divorce! I found it

hard to believe that this would be how it would end... after all I have done so far for him, for my children?! No, we will seek help.

After he and I talked he went to his sister's house to see his mom and his father stopped by the house to see me. Dad and I talked a while and he just told

me that no matter what Steve says, he still loves me and not to give up on our marriage. He encouraged me that I had come so far with Steve and all of his

problems, if I could get through his drinking with him I could get through this too!

When he returned I sat him down and just eplained to him that I understood his feelings but if they were the way that they were because of another woman

then maybe he needed to remove himself from that situation so that he could think more clearly. He agreed, he was going to stay awaay from this woman and

see what happened with he and I.

Roughly a month later I realized I was pregnant again, within days after finding out (I did NOT tell Steve) Steve and I were having a rough day, someone had

come to me and said they had seen him with her recently so I confronted him about it and it blew up into this big fight. During the arguement I began

spotting, and yet another miscarriage! I told him I was having a miscarriage and I just couldnt handle him yelling at me or us fighting, I wanted to talk to

him like a civilized human being! He asked me to give him a minute and he went outside. I thought, Oh good, let him cool down and then maybe I can make him

see all the efforts I have put forth and how stupid it would be to throw that all away!

I waited, and waited, and waited some more. An hour had gone by and still he hadnt returned! Two hours... nothing! Somewhere around hour number 5 he finally

called and said he was fishing with a friend, which I knew wasnt true because that friend had just called for him. I told him this and I also told him his

son was asking for him, I told him I would drive to this park that was down the road from our home and I would wait there 25 minutes for him, if he showed

up I knew he wanted to work on our marriage and our family.. if he didnt I would know he had other intentions and if that be the case, he needed to go some

place else to stay.

I got into my car, now let me explain. I had a saturn ion, I had NO gas in this car the needle was on E! I had a 5 dollar bill in my pocket and that was

all, hardly any food in the house, but if I were to go to this park and wait for him, I was going to need that $5 in my gas tank! So I went to the local gas

station, a small run down place and I went inside and told her I needed $5 in gas on pump 3. She took my money and said go ahead. I went outside and I put

the nozzle in my car and began pumping... I was lost in thought, I didnt want to be late if he were to show up and I wasnt there I would just die inside! I

then snapped back to the here and now to realize I had been pumping gas for a while now! I looked and it was just over $10! So I went inside and told the

cashier I did not have anything but $5, she said not to worry it was her mistake. I promised to have the money to her tomorrow.

I left the store and went right to the park and there I sat, I waited, and waited. I think I was there for about 45 minutes and no Steve. My heart sank to

my feet as I drove home. I was home for around 2 hours when I started to become annoyed and restless, I got up and went to my car, I am unsure what my

intentions were. As I reached my car I saw the woman next door come home and Steve was not with her. I got into my car and backed up I got onto the road and

saw him walking towards the house. At this point there was no doubt in my mind that he was in fact with her the whole time! I was so angry!! I floored it,

gas all the way to the floor! I got up to around 30 MPH and was within feet of hitting him when I slammed on my brakes! I threw the car into reverse and I

backed into my driveway.

I got out of my car and yelled to him that he'd better see if he can stay at his tramp's house! He laughed and said he would be staying at home and there

was nothing I could do about it. I knew he was right, but I was not about to admit to it. I said to him "how dare you leave me after I tell you Im

miscarrying YOUR child! you leave for hours at a time! No worries at all about me or your children. Just to go tie one on with the tramp next door. She

doesn't want you! She doesn't even know you! Does she know about your drinking problem? Your drug problem?" The woman from next door jumpped in at this

point she said "I am no tramp, I will have you know!" then she turned to Steve and asked him about me being pregnant and he said that he hadnt slept with me

for months, which was a lie (obviously) but then I began to wonder why he would defend him sleeping with his wife to the neighbor? It was then I had made up

my mind, if he did come home he would be on the couch for the rest of his life.

At that point I could have cared less if he were to return to me, I was so heartbroken and depressed there was nothing he could ever do to fix this. I

realized it was important for me to be civil and act like an adult for our children. My oldest son being autistic, he needs structure. The twins were so

young still they too needed for things to be stable. I went in the house and got a pillow and blanket, put it on the couch for him then I went to bed.

In the weeks to pass I slowly came to realize the one thing i needed to focus on were to get Steve sober and clean, it was more of a challenge now since his

girlfriend fed him both drugs and drinks! But I needed him to be something like a father to my children, I needed him to be clean for them. This was my goal

from this point on, I laid out a plan to get him clean and the two of us could just carry on with our lives, living under the same roof but not tied to each

other. This would allow my children to still have mom and dad. I didnt care if I ever remarried or got with another man, at this point the one man I trusted

with my everything has done nothing but destroy me! Who wants another?!

That being said, I did just that. I took all of his prescription medications and offered to hand feed them to him. This is when I realized he had been

taking over 50 pills a day, of various different pain meds! It was a wonder I hadnt found him dead yet. There was a point when he admited to snorting the

pills. He said that he would get pills from the woman next door as well. Then I found out he was stealing pain patched from his brother in-law and pills

from my mom. All together somewhere around 47 a day that he stole, was perscribed himself, or he would buy!

At one point I was giving him all of his pill sin the morning, like if the max a day was 6 pills I would give him all 6 at 7 am and no more until the

following day. I hid the bottles, he always seemed to find them and eventually I got sick of him cheating at the plan so I flushed the pills! He got so mad

that he busted the bathroom door in! He called his mom to take him to a detox center, I refused to entertain the idea of a detox center that fed him pills

to help him get off from pills! Seemed a waste of time to me. But his mom came running, she helped him pack his things and then she took him to the detox.

Two days later he was home again with a whole new bottle of pills!

I started to realize there was a good chance I wouldnt be able to actually help Steve clean up his act, but at the very least I could try and make a home

for my kids. I had gotten a call from my landlord telling me I was 3 months behind on my rent and that he was willing to work with me but for only so long.

It was time for me to get a job! I began working for a retail company, a few months later I got a job also with an insurance company and a few months after

that I started also working for a medical center! I was working from 7 am to sometimes as late as 12 am no less than 6 days a week. I got our money

situation back on track! Eventually I got a job offer at a fuel company that was less than 10 miles from my house so I took it. I left all three of my other

jobs because the money I was making at the fuel company was good enough as long as I could put in the hours.

Steve always slept on the couch, the neighbor girl had moved (without him) and their relationship had come to an end. He tried to patch up things with me

but there was just no way I could trust him again. During all of this I had found out so much about his drug abuse, he had spent so much of our money on

pills and cocaine and God only knows what other drugs! He slept on the couch and looked after the kids while I worked. I started talking with someone from

the church about the way the church veiws divorce and weather I was in the right for wanting one. I started feeling this was the route to take when my

father in-law (a man I felt very deeply for!) became very ill and eventually died. I became worried about Steve's mental well being if I were to bring to

him the idea of a divorce. So I continued helping him build himself up, keep clean and sober.

Roughly a year after my father in-law passed away, in August of 2009 a friend of mine was in a car accident and I was very worried about her. I was trying

to tell Steve about it when he cut me off to tell me about a movie he got. I was devistated that he cared so little about me that he couldnt even pretend to

listen to me when I was obviously upset. This was my wake up point, when I realized it was over, the battle no longer needed to be fought! I wanted a

divorce.