The drunken fights between him and I caused problems between me and my parents. Forgive me - this part of my story is very hard for me to tell. ...

I love my mother more than life itself, she is a very strong woman who has her own long story of battles. Through all of her battles she always kept me and

my sisters safe and together, no matter what came her way. That being said please understand how hard it is for me to stress my feelings at the time all

this stuff happened.

With the help of my parents I went and got my license, before I did that I landed a job at a gas station. Once I got my license my parents allowed me to use

one of their cars to get to and from work. My parents have a camp up north so they would go away for a week or so at a time leaving me and my husband and

son back at the house. One time while they were gone Steve had been drinking very heavy. I thought it was best for me and our son to leave the house for a

while. As I was heading to the car I told him I was going to the store to get milk and he said for me not to take our son. I put my son in the car any way.

He said he would call the cops and tell them I had kidnapped my son. With him as drunk as he was I really didnt feel this was too much of a threat so I left.

It took me about 45 minutes to go to the store and back. My parents live on a dead end dirt road about a 1/4 mile long. As I came around the bend in the

driveway I saw a cop car sitting there! My first thought was oh my God, he called the cops! When I got out of the car the cop addressed me he explained that

he was there because they had gotten a call from a Lisa (Steve's sister) and that she had said Steve had been making phone calls to her and others claiming

that he was going to do physical harm to Rick (his step father) and Lisa was worried about Steve so she called and asked that a cop be sent over to see that

he was alright.

I listened to all that he had to say and then he said "its obvious that steve has been drinking..." you think?! He continued "he admits that he has a

problem and says he would like to get some help. Are you willing to take control of this situation and take him to get help?"

Now stop. Hold the phone! Is this cop blaming ME?! for this situation...? I agreed to take Steve to a rehab, the cop left. As soon as the cop car was out of

sight Steve said he wasnt going. I started making phone calls to my insurance and to rehabs in the area that I would be able to check him into. If not that

night, then the next day when he was sober.

So here I am on the phone with this lady at a rehab center, I am tired and at this point it has been a very long day. She asks if I am in any danger. I said

no I didnt think so, he isnt normally agressive just mouthy. Right after that Steve came into the room screaming and yelling, he grabbed the phone from me

and when he did I let out like a scream. He took the phone and threw it accorss the room and disconnected the call! The lady on the other end thought I was

in trouble and she called 911 and within 5 minutes the same cop was back!

First thing he said to me was "I thought I left here with the understanding that you were going to get this under control!?" I asked him how I was supposed

to do that when he acted this way. I asked the cop to take Steve himself to the rehab. The cop went to his car for a few minutes and then returned. He said

he had called a rehab center, they had a bed for him all I needed to do was drive him there. He asked Steve if he was going to go, Steve was very positive

and ready to do this!

The cop left, I called my sister to make arrangements for someone to ride with me, and for her to keep my son while I did this. She agreed and Steve, my son

and myself all got in the car and went to my sister's house (about 5 miles away). We got there and got everything all figured out, who was going and

staying. My son refused to stay so I brought him with me, also my sister's father in-law (Joe) rode along as well. So I was driving, Steve was in the front

passenger seat, my son was behind him in the back, and Joe was behind me in the back.

We got about 6 miles from my sister's house when Steve said "I'm not going to rehab" he wasnt excited or anything, just plan as day, right as rain. Then? He

jumped out of the car! Opened the door and jumped out! I was in shock, I just kept driving. I don't even think I hit my brakes! The door closed as we drove

away, I turned around at the nearest gas station and I drove back to my sister's house. On our way back through I did not see him on the streets or sidewalk

at all.

I got back to my sister's and told her what had happened and she agreed it was best for me and my son to stay at her house for the night. If he were to walk

anywhere it would most likely be to my parent's house, not her's. Just as we were making these arrangements, Steve walked in the door! He got in my face and

said he wasn't going to a rehab and I wasnt going to force him. I agreed... we talked and ended up deciding that Steve would stay at my sister's and the

baby and I would go home to my parent's. I would come get him in the morning. He said that was fine, he would stay.

I went outside and started putting my son in the car as I was doing this Steve came running from the house yelling that I wasn't taking his son from him! He

started grabbing at me, trying to pull me from the car so he could get to my son. I hugged my son's car seat and covered my son saying "It's okay baby,

close your eyes, don't look. I love you! I will keep you safe" After a few seconds my sister came outside and grabbed ahold of Steve, pulled him off me and

began yelling at me to leave! I crawled through the back door of the car into the front seat, started the car and began backing up when he had freed himself

from my sister and he ran after the car, he reached the front passenger door and opened it! I was afraid I would hit him so I started to slow down when my

sister yelled "floor it!" so I did... he lost his footing and the door ended up hitting him and knocking him off the car. I didnt know if he was alright or

not, I just drove away!

When I got to my parent's house I called my sister, she said he was already asleep in the bedroom! She said that her hasband had called the cops and the

same guy showed up but by time he got there Steve was asleep so he left.

The next day everything went back to normal, Steve went off to his rebah group , only to return drunk. Later in the evening, after my son had gone to bed. I

realized Steve had been outside for a long time. I went outside to see what he was up to and I found him in the "barn" (a storage shed) drinking up a bottle

of vodka. He didn't know I had seen him and I wasnt about to relive the night I had before. I got back to the house and I called my parents. I asked my mom

to call the police and ask them to take him away. I was unable to do this myself for two reasons #1 we were married and he hadnt put his hands on me (on

this day) and #2 it wasnt MY property. My mom said that she didn't want to get involved and that Steve and I were married, we needed to work out our

differences.

I took matters into my own hands, I locked the doors and windows! I went through the whole house and locked up everything I could, blocked off whatever I

was unable to lock. I sat there and I waited. It was about an hour later when I heard the door handle rattle, then some banging on the door. I sat out of

sight and I prayed "please God don't let him find a way in here!" during the next hour I could hear him going around the house window to window and door to

door trying to get in. I just prayed that he wouldnt get in, what else could I do? After an hour it got silent, I went upstairs to be with my son, just

incase I had decided that I would sleep outside his room. I fell asleep. When I woke up Steve was standing over me. "Why did you lock me out?"

I made him go downstairs away from my son, we argued for hours. Eventually he passed out and I returned back to my sons door to watch over him. The next day

I went around the house to figure out how he got in and I saw a window that he had broken. When I told my mom about this story she was upset with me for

locking him out in the first place.

I would say about another month had gone by with us living at my mom's house. We had a friend who was trying to help Steve get on the straight and narrow

which was nice, finally someone who was willing to put forth some effort besides myself. Keep in mind Steve never stopped playing drums at the church, he

would go there play a bit and during the sermon he would go into town and get drunk, he would return just in time to end the service and he would come home

from church drunk! While I was working he would get rides to doctors and such from family members. He had my cousin take him to the doctors then asked her

to swing by his moms house so he could give her something. They went there, he went inside and got an empty soda bottle, filled it with rum and tucked it in

his pants. Later at some point he hid it in our recliner at the house.

That night my son was sitting the the recliner with his dad watching tv, Steve had fallen asleep. My son found the bottle and thought it was soda so he

opened it and drank from it! Thank God he spit it all out because it was yucky! I didnt let Steve know I was aware of this situation, also didnt tell him

yet about our son drinking it. I waited until he was gone the next day to rehab and I packed up my things and my sons things and we went to stay at my

sister's house. We stayed away for about a week, talking to Steve the whole time over the phone. We were also talking to this friend who had been helping

Steve. This friend (doug) had a rental property that he was willing to let us live in, he felt it would help Steve stay sober if he had a home to call his

own. I had to think about it because I didnt want to ruin a friendship or have any problems with them because we were renting from them.

I did return home with Steve and he actually began making a good effort (or so I thought) to being sober. I was working at the gas station still. I had

worked from 3PM to 12 AM, when I got home I went upstairs and went to bed, as I was falling asleep I told Steve how awesome he was when he was sober and

just how much I loved him when he was this way.

When I woke up the next morning I had to work an earlier shift so I was off to work around 6AM, I got back home about 4:30PM. I met Steve and my son on

their way out to go for a walk. When I entered the house my step father stopped me and handed me a folded paper. I went upstairs and sat down to read what

it said. It was in my mother's handwriting. It said that my family and I had 7 days to move! It was an evication notice!!! My heart sank, my mind felt as

though it would explode any second! I was numb from the waist down, I couldnt move!

After a good half hour I finally got the ability to stand up, I figured I would walk up the road and at some point my path would cross Steve's and I would

be able to vent to him about the situation. so off I went! As I reached almost the end of the road (there are heavy woods on both sides of this road) I

heard Steve talking from within the woods. So I turned and began walking into the woods when I saw him. He was standing there talking to my son, drinking a

beer! When I got closer I saw the pile of empty cans, at LEAST 15 of them!! I lost myself! I began screaming and then crying. I turned and ran out of the

woods, as I came to the road I fell to my knees and began to yell out to God, I never cried so hard in my life!

Finally, I dont know how long I had been there. I don't know who approched me or why. I finally ran out of tears, my voice was all dried up and horse. I lay

there on my back in the middle of this road looking up at the sky and it all came to me at once. My husband was a drunk, I could never trust him not even a

tiny bit. My parents have abandoned me, they have evicted me and my son to the street (they did not know about the other possiblity I was lining up with our

friend Doug). I had one week to get this fixed! The thoughts that followed that were lonely thoughts. I was alone, God had obviously left me, my mom was of

no use she was obviously sick of me and my issues, and my husband? HA!

I picked myself up, dusted myself off and prepared for the rest of my life! As I walked that 1/4 mile road back to my parents house I started filling that

empty feeling with determination, and strength, if no one was going to help me then I would have to help myself! I came to the front door of the house and

for the first time in my life I walked through that door feeling unwanted and unloved! My mother wouldn't even make eye contact with me. that night instead

of all of us having dinner together, we ate apart, miles and miles apart.

After we ate, I began packing our stuff. I have never been in such a hurry to leave a place, a place that I had so full of memories. The amount of hurt I

felt at this time in my life was more than I had ever felt. To this day it hurts so bad to think back to that time in my life.

About 3 days later we were completely moved out of my mom's house. I went months not talking to my mother. I had a dream one night, in this dream my mom had

died of natural causes and I was happy about it! (Im ashamed to even speak of this dream) When I woke from it I was in tears. I felt horrible that I had

built such a hate towards my mother. I called her right away, I was crying and I asked her to forgive me and told her that I loved her no matter what. I

chose to forget the events that happened between my parents and I. My mom and I are very close today, in fact I would say she is one of my closest friends.

She is very special to me. We never speak of what happened between us or the words that were on that paper. In fact this is the first time I have even given

it any thought since it happened. It just hurts too much!