Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
Sign in to follow this  
  • entries
    12
  • comments
    48
  • views
    7,561

I wish I was a bird so I could fly away from here...

Sign in to follow this  
Pammers Johnson

938 views

blogs/blog-0757623001367596799.jpgMy hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it!

First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table.

We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's.

Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again!

I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it.

Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size.

I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...

Sign in to follow this  


4 Comments


Recommended Comments

I so feel you on several of your fears and questions! I always wonder how my husband finds me sexy at my current weight...because that is the last word I would pick to describe myself. But you know what he does and he can't keep his hands off me. He loves me big and little and everything in between. He is my biggest supporter and I love him for that. I think our problem is we don't love ourselves so it is hard to see that others do. You have been together for 36 years so I am sure there have been times he felt the same as you and you loved him through it as he will with you through this. I fret over the surgery too. I work in the medical field and know all to well the what ifs! I just try not to focus on that and think of all the good things! Head up! You will do this and it will be a success! Pre op diet won't be easy but just take it one hour at a time. I will be rooting for you! Just think this year next time this will all be a little blip in the radar!

Share this comment


Link to comment

It sounds like you're really focusing on the important things before surgery (mental game) and I think that will greatly benefit you for your life after the surgery! You really sound like you're ready and committed to the change our new life with require. What's done, is done, just try and look forward and have a positive outlook, you're going to be great!!

Share this comment


Link to comment

I could have written this myself. I was still having second thoughts right up until they knocked me out in the operating room! I am 3 weeks post op and have not regretted my decision for an instant. You will do great, it is a life style change and one that we needed help with. As far as God goes, I believe he gave surgeons the talent to do these procedures and does not have an issue with us doing this to be healthy. If you could see yourself through your husbands eyes, you would know the many, many reasons he loves you. And looking at your picture, you are beautiful! So chin up kiddo and welcome to the losers bench

Share this comment


Link to comment

Thanks Guys, today is my last day before my pre-op diet. I've got a better grip on my emotions today. I have even made my post op and 1 month follow up appt. last night I dreamt I'd lost more than 10 lb this next week (which is what pre op diet is supposed to do) I was sure in my dream that it couldn't be posible..but dreaming about it, and having my husband be so supportive made me wake up Very excited! I'm gonna lose a sack of potatoes this week!!

Bring on those Protein shakes!!

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recent Blogs

  • Blog Comments

    • I’ve used my Xbox for exercise games too and it can be pretty motivating, especially on days when I don’t want to leave the house. Kinect games really do make you move, and after a session with kickboxing or dancing, I always feel like I’ve actually gotten a solid workout. The controller-free setup feels way more natural for workouts than anything I tried on the Wii. Zumba is fun but definitely takes a little time to get the moves right. Lately, when I’m not working out, I spend time trading CS2 skins and finding new guides on this link. There’s a lot of interesting tips if you’re into games outside of fitness too.
    • I'm literally almost crying reading this. Mostly because I'mon this pre-op diet and these last two days have been difficult... but also because I needed this! Thank you! Congrats! And a BIG congrats on quitting smoking a second time! It was hard enough to do it once... So - when I say BIG congrats... I mean BIIIIIG congrats! ❤️
    • Congratulations! What a great journey! Thank you so much for sharing. You are inspiring!
    • Was sind last resting-place besten Gewinnchancen in einem Casino? "Einarmige Banditen"
      Einarmige Banditen
      Casinos werden in erster Linie mit Roulette und Poker in Verbindung gebracht, aber Statistiken zeigen, dass 61 % der Besucher von Spielhallen ihre Zeit damit verbringen, einarmige Banditen zu spielen (Daten von 2013 von der American Gaming Association). Perish Regeln der Spielautomaten sind sehr einfach, und der niedrige Mindesteinsatz macht sie auch fur decease armsten Spieler zuganglich.


      https://berliner-vv.de/articles/wie_man_sich_f_r_einen_casino_abend_kleidet.html
      https://sen7.com/typo3/inc/?welches_casino_zahlt_am_schnellsten_aus____bewertung_von_online_casinos_top_10.html
      https://justinekeptcalmandwentvegan.com/wp-content/pages/welches_online_casino_ist_zu_empfehlen___online_casinos_mit_guter_rendite_2022_.html
      http://ff-thyrnau.de/wp-content/pages/was_sind_die_besten_gewinnchancen_in_einem_casino___4.html
      https://buecherplaza.de/wp-content/pages/was_sind_die_besten_gewinnchancen_in_einem_casino___einarmige_banditen_.html
    • Fantastic!! Congratulations on being successful with all your hard work.
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×