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I wish I was a bird so I could fly away from here...

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Pammers Johnson

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blogs/blog-0757623001367596799.jpgMy hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it!

First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table.

We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's.

Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again!

I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it.

Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size.

I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...

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I so feel you on several of your fears and questions! I always wonder how my husband finds me sexy at my current weight...because that is the last word I would pick to describe myself. But you know what he does and he can't keep his hands off me. He loves me big and little and everything in between. He is my biggest supporter and I love him for that. I think our problem is we don't love ourselves so it is hard to see that others do. You have been together for 36 years so I am sure there have been times he felt the same as you and you loved him through it as he will with you through this. I fret over the surgery too. I work in the medical field and know all to well the what ifs! I just try not to focus on that and think of all the good things! Head up! You will do this and it will be a success! Pre op diet won't be easy but just take it one hour at a time. I will be rooting for you! Just think this year next time this will all be a little blip in the radar!

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It sounds like you're really focusing on the important things before surgery (mental game) and I think that will greatly benefit you for your life after the surgery! You really sound like you're ready and committed to the change our new life with require. What's done, is done, just try and look forward and have a positive outlook, you're going to be great!!

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I could have written this myself. I was still having second thoughts right up until they knocked me out in the operating room! I am 3 weeks post op and have not regretted my decision for an instant. You will do great, it is a life style change and one that we needed help with. As far as God goes, I believe he gave surgeons the talent to do these procedures and does not have an issue with us doing this to be healthy. If you could see yourself through your husbands eyes, you would know the many, many reasons he loves you. And looking at your picture, you are beautiful! So chin up kiddo and welcome to the losers bench

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Thanks Guys, today is my last day before my pre-op diet. I've got a better grip on my emotions today. I have even made my post op and 1 month follow up appt. last night I dreamt I'd lost more than 10 lb this next week (which is what pre op diet is supposed to do) I was sure in my dream that it couldn't be posible..but dreaming about it, and having my husband be so supportive made me wake up Very excited! I'm gonna lose a sack of potatoes this week!!

Bring on those Protein shakes!!

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