So this is my first blog entry on VST... I have a couple blogger blogs, but I'm not ready to share with blogland, and my family who reads those blogs, the fact that I'm getting ready to have WLS in 7 weeks. So, for now, I'll just blog here, with you guys

A little bit about me. I grew up overweight...and not just a little. My weight began to climb when I was in first grade and by 5th grade I was 165. By the time I graduated from high school I was at 275, and by the time I turned 25 I was 320ish. I am originally from Mississippi (the most obese state in the nation), though I now live in Tennessee. I love food, especially sugar, and over the past year I've had trouble with binge behavior.

When I turned 25, I hit my all time "pit of despair" moment. I was broke, having to move back in with my parents after being out on my own post college for only a year, and I was at my heighest weight. I decided to finally get my finances back in order, and to finally drop some weight. I had been on a ton of diets, but just like a yo-yoer I'd lose 20, gain back 25...but something "clicked" this time. I started cutting back and trying to make better food choices, and started exercising. I went from 320 to 245 in 2 years (2006 - 2008). I then met a boy, got engaged, moved to another state and got married, and here I am just having had my 3 year anniversary. Since 2008 I have yo-yoed again from a high of 255 to a low of 215 and I've been up and down and all around in between those numbers for the past 5 years...and it is BEYOND frustraiting and heartbreaking. I feel defeated. Every day I think about food...about wanting it, about wanting to lose the weight, about feeling guilty when I eat something I shouldn't, about needing to go the gym, about it all...and I'm "exhausted" of the merry go round.

I agreed to move to TN because after losing some of my initial weight, I found out how much I love the outdoors, and being next to the Smoky Mtns, I have plenty to do. I love hiking, biking and kayaking, and sometimes, even running the local greenways. But I have a mental and physical battle against my own body, and the weight that holds me down. However, no matter how hard I try, I always end up turning to food, and with my big ole stomach, I can eat tons of it.

On Easter weekend this year, after haven eaten about 6 reese's pb eggs & 2 cadbury eggs, and a ton of jelly beans...we were driving home from my parents when I got upset my husband wouldn't stop at a DQ for a blizzard. "You want ice cream after eating all of that...?!" I just felt horrible, and he was right. Why did I crave soooo much and have room for sooo much? From out of nowhere (well I believe it was the holy spirit...) the thought of weight loss surgery came to mind (all these years battling this and I never once thought of WLS as an option). Within a week I had secured the funds, the doctor, the airline tickets, and a surgery date. Now it's just a waiting game.

I'll blog later about what I've done to try to lose the rest of this weight... but I do know I'm a food addict...well a sugar addict (I won't binge on broccoli and fish...) And I am fearful of finally having to face my relationship with food head on and break up with it. The past few weeks I have neglected the gym and I have had wayyy too many McD's chocolate chip cookies. My brain is freakin' out over what I'm about to do to my body, and I'm having a hard time just getting back into a place of maintaining my weight before I start the preop diet in a few weeks. But I am so ready...I've been ready... June 7th, it's on.

Wish me luck!

Before - 320lbs (2005) This Easter - 245ish (2013)