In the beginning of Aprill I stopped smoking but started chewing the nicotine gum.I did fantastic while on the gum with not smoking.

But the gum gave me extremely severe gastritis.I started refluxing like crazy and had to stop using the gum.Now this is where my challenge started.One must never ever underestimate the power of an addiction.I have gained 6 pounds in the last month.Yes,boys and girls,all of the buffer weight I allow myself is gone,just like that.

What is worse I am eating like I have never had the sleeve.Dont ask me how.I just can.I am never uncomfortable.Never feel like I over eat.I think I just pace myself very nicely and keep eating all day long.

IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY TO FEEL THIS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN.

My very worried friend brought me the number of a therapist who works with eating disorders and I am going to go and see her.It feels like before the sleeve when I just couldnt stop.I even eat chocolate,which doesnt taste particularly nice to me.BUT I HAVENT HAD ANY NICOTINE (since stopping the gum) in 4 days now.I ama super b***h,have fired my lazy housekeeper,put my kid on a bus instead of a taxi (she refuses to keep a budget) and gave the little one a permanent tv ban during the week.Everyone hates me but feeling like a maniac at least makes me a little more assertive than usual.

But this is sooooo hard.I have a huge oral fixation.My life feels empty and sad when Im not able to get a high from something I stuff into my mouth,all the time.Thank goodness I sorted the alcohol thing out with myself as this would have been the perfect crutch now if I didnt make the choice to never drink to much or too often.

Anyhow,this is to warn people.Get into that healthy life style.Exercise.See the shrink,deal with your issues or they will deal with you,like mine are now.

I am back on my chicken and am not gaining weight anymore.The evenings are just still a challenge as this is when I want to really smoke.I also need to turf this chocolate ganash that I have in the fridge and I will be ok.

My aim is to lose this weight in 2 weeks but I will tell this blog when the 2 weeks starts.My imediate goal is to just get over the smoke thing and stay quit.Boy I sometimes just want to say whatever and have a smoke but I know is is just practicing saying no to myself.Something I am not very good at and the reason I got so fat in the first place.

So,no!I will not gain more.No,I will not smoke again!No,I will not eat that chocolate (well,maybe a little...lol.)