wow!! Just want you to know that you really do not have to depend on anybody to take care of you post-op. I have 2 little boys and a husband and I still had to do everything that I usually do. And i kept it a secret from my children because I didn't want them to worry. I was concerned about how they would feel. How old are you??? Quit blaming your mother for postponing your plans. Get a grip. Do you live on your own? You will be able to walk. You will be able to take yourself to the bathroom. You will be able to dress your self. You will NOT need any meals prepped for you. What is it that you expect your mother to do when she "takes care of you"? Have a friend take you to the hospital and have a friend take you home. You will not need to be taken care of. And yes your post screams that you are very selfish. Perhaps you can learn now to consider that the world does not revolve around you and your surgery plans. You need to know that you can do this on your own, even when you are hurting. It is not that bad- and they will give you pain meds.

Well, that was incredibly helpful, Melissa.

I live alone. I'm in my 30s. What this has to do with my post, I'm not sure.

I'm not postponing my plans.

I know I'll be able to walk and stuff.

I was just counting on the help. And now I don't have it. It's frustrating and taxing to go through the stress with my mom.

I know I'm selfish. If I don't put me first, who else will?

All you need is someone to bring you home from the hospital. Make sure you have all your protein drinks, sugar free jello, popcycles, broth in your house before surgery. You need no one to care for you. You have to get up and walk every hour for 10 min and you can prepare the very little you will need to prepare yourself. Your first few days are sip sip sip, walk walk walk. So if mom and dad stop over to visit in the evening they can do any odds and ends you may want done but I doubt it. My husband went to work and I cared for myself. If you had small children then you would need help.

Thanks mokee. I've been most nervous about being alone and having some sort of accident. I didn't want to really spend more than a few nights at their house anyway (I much prefer my own home), I'm really most concerned with the ride home. The hospital specifically told me they will NOT release me without someone to take me home. Can't go home in a cab - must have someone present to escort me home. And since discharge is in late morning/early afternoon, everyone I know will be at work. Just trying to think who I should ask, is all... disappointed that I'm having such drama with my mom when I'm finally getting close to what she knows I've been working for since last year. :/

But I'll figure it out. I always do!

So what I read in all of this is that your mom is scared something is going to happen to you. She might not say it out loud (but did) and making up reasons not to have surgery or postpone it is her way of trying to tell you she is scared (maybe)?My mom is very passive agressive and did a little of this. "How are you going to be able to live forever on such a little bit of food?" "I don't think it is healthy to eat so little and what about your congnative function on so few calories?" All her way of being scared without saying it outloud. My mom came around and stayed with me the whole time in the hospital and was at my house everyday for a few days to help. I think you mom will make it happen because in the end it is what is best for you and that is what parents want.

BAD Spelling is part of too few calories! LOL

Now that you've had a chance to vent (and boy, do I understand that need, sometimes!) it's time to get to reality.

I agree that it sounds like your mom is passive-aggressively expressing her worry about you having this surgery, and that's understandable - hey, all surgeries have risks and those risks are the FIRST and LAST things that moms think about - including my mom, and I'm more than 50 years old

If you do have the surgery on May 2nd, did I understand correctly that your mom won't be out of town until the 7th? If so, it's all golden, and she'll have the chance to see that you're okay, AND you will have your ride home. By the way, that is pretty normal procedure - you'll be a matter of a day or so since having anesthesia, and you'll probably have had at least some pain meds. You won't be at your best cognitively because of it, and your ability to respond to things quickly will be reduced so they want to make sure you get home safely. However, you will likely be just fine on your own most of the time. As others have already said, you'll be doing very little but sipping and walking around the place for a few days.

I get that your mom is making the schedule tough, but you have to remember that ultimately you're expecting a favor from her - family or not, she ALSO has a life and isn't at your beck and call, any more than your schedule should revolve around her. If you want her help, then it's right to accommodate where you can. If the schedule HAS to change because of insurance, move it out one additional week - I know you don't want to wait - heck, I'm not happy about waiting until late July, but the alternative is not good for my husband or me, so I'm sucking it up (and I've been planning this since last summer, too!). It's a compromise you can make that isn't a HUGE thing when you think about it logically. The alternative is talk to the hospital and arrange for late discharge, tell them you can't have an escort home until after 5 PM or whatever and ask what they can do. The likelihood is that there is something they can do if it's a question of a few hours. Then get a friend to come and get you after work.

Hang in there, it will all work out. Just take a deep breath and don't panic. There ARE options, you just have to think it through.

Best of luck!

It sounds like you both have a little anxiety about the surgery and this is how it's coming out, but it will all work out. That is so nice of your mom to offer to help care for you after the surgery. I agree that it is really great to have some help post-op, even if you could get by on your own. The first night, I slept on the couch downstairs and asked my husband to come down during the night to check on me (just to make sure I was breathing...lol...which was totally irrational but it made me feel better!). He also made some of my drinks and gave me my meds when I was feeling really punky. I really appreciated it and would have done the same for him.

I would definitely work around your mom's schedule. She is probably taking vacation time to do this, which is very generous of her. A few weeks either way isn't going to make a big difference in your success, since this is a lifetime change.

By the way, my surgery got moved at the last minute, and my husband couldn't get off of work and my parents were on vacation, and all of my friends (who knew) were working. My husband dropped me off for the surgery and met me in my room many hours later (he was there when they wheeled me in). It really was no big deal that he wasn't there sitting around twiddling his thumbs while I was in pre-op, surgery and post-op. The surgeon called him after to tell him everything went well (I gave him the phone number while we were in pre-op).

Personally, I would take your mom a bouquet of flowers or pretty spring plant and tell her how much you appreciate her help and support during this time.

Wishing you all the best!

We should all treat our family members with atleast as much respect and kindness that we show total strangers. I think everyone is correct in guessing that your mother is being passive aggressive due to her concern.

Then again, we don't know your mother

Back off a bit, give her a few "Yes, Mama" and "I love you Mama" and don't fall into the argument traps that she is setting.

The decision to get the VSG and to radically change your life should be lauded! Embrace the power you have taken hold of and enjoy the ride!

WEEEEE !

It appears the family dynamic is playing havoc with your emotions and I get that and understand your pain.

From a purely practical standpoint, if you suffer no complications, you can take care of yourself. I did it with no real problems and I went through the surgery on my own as well because that is what I wanted to do. I am very independent and knew if I didn't have complications, I would be fine as I am fairly strong and resiliant. Also, my hospital told me that if I didn't have a ride, they would help me secure transport with Access paratransit or something. My son came and picked me up so I didn't need it, but it was available to me. Perhaps you can research this.

I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is trying to make you feel selfish. There is a time to prioritize your own health, and I give you kudos for that. Do what you need to do girlfriend.

Thanks for the rational thinking, everyone. It's really hard to put things in perspective when you're in the midst of an argument, so I do appreciate you all for both seeing where I'm coming from and offering practical advice for the situation. Now that I've slept on it, I realize we are both super anxious about what is happening. I'll do what I have to do to make sure my mom can be there for the surgery and hope that insurance doesn't force me to push it back. I've never been a patient person - I'm impatient to a FAULT most times, and this is a prime example. Does putting it back a week or two make a big difference? No, not really. I'm just, as usual, eager to do it as quickly as possible. I mean, if I've been going through these steps since July, a few more weeks isn't that big of a deal... (that's me rationalizing this to MYSELF, lol)

I'm going to call my insurance and make sure they have they got my request from the surgeon. So at least I can have some peace of mind that we're moving forward in some way. Then I'll call my mom and apologize for being a monster and hope she can do the same (I wasn't the only one yelling, after all).

I also realized that my surgery is on a Thursday and my surgeon said I'd probably be in for 2 nights. So that means I'll get discharged on a Saturday. So, if for some reason I can't get a ride from my parents, finding a friend who can pick me up shouldn't be as difficult as I was imagining.

It's also good to know that I won't really need the help once I'm discharged. I'd really rather be at home anyway, so maybe I can reassure my mom that I won't be totally helpless if she has other things to do. I do understand that she has a life of her own and she needs to go on these trips in May so she'll know how to do her job. I don't fault her for that. And I don't want her to think she's failing me because she can't be at my bedside 24/7, especially when I don't really NEED her to be there. While it's convenient to have help, I will be able to do it on my own.

Thanks so much for the feedback, guys. I appreciate it!

All you need is someone to bring you home from the hospital. Make sure you have all your protein drinks, sugar free jello, popcycles, broth in your house before surgery. You need no one to care for you. You have to get up and walk every hour for 10 min and you can prepare the very little you will need to prepare yourself. Your first few days are sip sip sip, walk walk walk. So if mom and dad stop over to visit in the evening they can do any odds and ends you may want done but I doubt it. My husband went to work and I cared for myself. If you had small children then you would need help.

You can take a taxi home from the hospital.

You can take a taxi home from the hospital.

The surgeon said I HAD to have someone to take me home. He said they absolutely will not release me to take a cab.