Well here I am in that perverbal holding pattern with nothing to do but wait. I have sent all my medical records to my surgeon, which the financial person has gotten, but has not reviewed. I have requested my clearance letter from my primary care physician, but they have not sent it yet. Ok so I have done all I can do and now I have to wait. I am not a good person when it comes to waiting. I get antsy, nervous and downright aggrivated when it comes to waiting. So I try to occupy my time otherwise, but everything comes back to me and wanting and more importantly needing this tool to get my life back on track.

I have even gone as far as cleaning out my closet of the clothes that I refuse to wear again. I have researched vitamins, gyms, protein and even the adverse side effects of the surgery. I do not know what to do with my time. Luckily I have my work and my family which keeps me busy but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do.

I am going to say, I have run across a lot of people who seem to think that this surgery is the magical solution to their weight loss. Those that sabotage their surgery by eating sold foods as soon as a week out of surgery. The ones who are upset that they are not losing more than 5-6 lbs a week. I don't know about you but that is amazing that is over 100 lbs in a year, it is almost unheard of outside of weight loss surgery or extreme exercise like Biggest Loser. I am trying not to lose touch with reality and know that I may not lose fast, or I may be slower than the biggest success story, but know I want it to be me who is the one who excels losing, like everyone else.

I am afraid and I worry, the more I wait the more this worry and fear compounds. So I have to make myself focus, I have to not lose sight in the fact that it is a long road I have ahead of me and there will be waiting along the way. I want this surgery to happen now, and yes I am having a temper tantrum in case you were wondering.

I want this part of my journey to start but since I cannot determine the pace or the way in which it happens, then I will wait, I will try and be patient, They say patience is a virtue......well it happens to be a virtue I do not possess.