Will my marriage survive?
My wife is scheduled to be sleeved in April, so she is a month behind me. She seems convinced that our marriage is going to be affected by our weight loss. We've seen people's personalities change as a result of weight loss surgery, and we've even seen it destroy a couple marriages. In each of those cases, it was only one person who had the surgery, and their newfound confidence from their new bodies led to them going out with friends more often, and tore the marriages apart.
My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years now, and together for 17. We have three amazing children. We've endured some crap in those 17 years, and nothing has torn us apart to this point. I don't see it being an issue, and was surprised when she would keep bringing it up. But I'm afraid that she is so convinced of it, and is looking for any tiny change in my personality as proof, that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
We were both skinny when we met, right around our goal weights we'd like to achieve now. She was always insecure back then, even though she is a gorgeous woman and I'm the one who had reasons to be insecure. In a way, I was relieved to be heavy, because no one would want me, so her insecurity and jealousy basically went away.
She has already pointed to a couple of things since surgery (just 8 days ago!) that she says are evidence of me 'changing'. The first is that she said that she "didn't feel the love" when she was there for me in the hospital. I'm not sure what she was expecting - the first day I felt like I was going to die, and wanted nothing but to sleep. The second thing is that I've said (apparently too many times) that she'll "understand soon". It is just that it is hard for me to verbalize all the things I'm going through, and I meant that she will understand it when she has her surgery. I meant it as a positive thing, that we would have shared experiences and be able to discuss them. I guess I didn't articulate it how it sounded in my head, and it just ended up annoying her and pissing her off. So I've been careful to avoid saying anything like that again. Also compounding things is the fact that I was more comfortable sleeping sitting up on the couch with my feet up on the ottoman. I have yet to make it a full night in our bed. I tell her it's not her, I just find it easier to sleep that way for now. Also compounding things is my lack of energy and irritability from the extremely low caloric intake.
I hope that her negativity doesn't doom us. If I'm only 8 days out and we're having issues like this already, are we in trouble? Only time will tell, I suppose. But I sure hope not. I love her more than anything, and wouldn't ever want our children to suffer.
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