So, next week I have an eight hour appointment with: my surgeon, nutritionist, physical trainer (aka personal trainer), psychologist and insurance person. I get poked, proded, questioned and analized over my ability to be healthy enough to have the surgery both physically and mentally not to mention my ability to pay what my insurance won't. I am looking forward to the appointment, yet my biggest fear is the psychologist, and why I don't know. I have a pretty sound mind (even though my sense of humor is quite warped), however, most importantly I know why I am doing this. The main reason is I don't want to die, I am taking control so I live. There are other reasons too of course and some may find the vain or invalid reasons. The best way for me to describe the other reasons is to say that I am tired of being "oh Debbie". I want to be "yeah Debbie".

I need to go from "oh" to "yeah". I need to be able to walk into any clothing store that I want and not worry about if they carry my size ("oh I am sorry we don't carry that size" to "yeah we have that in your size"). I want to be able to fit into a middle seat on an airplane and not care that it is the only seat available ("oh you are in this seat" to "yeah this is your seat"). I want to be included and not feel like the an after thought ("oh we forgot to invite Debbie" to "yeah Debbie is invited"). I want to be the kinda girl men look at not because I am large but because I am beautiful ("oh my look at her" to "yeah what a beautiful woman"). These scenerio can go on and on and on and we all know it.

I know that anyone of the people that I am meeting with next week could delay or even stop my journey. There is not one person who can change my reasons for wanting to have it. With that being said I will go into each meeting with my head held up and my reasons for having the surgery an open book.

And I will not stop until I hear from each and every one of the that "yeah Debbie this is for you".