So i have been seeing my PCP for the mandatory weight management, and he has now had to take a leave of absence due to a family emergency and is away from practice for the next year. I hope that everything turns out well for him. Now I have to to see his partner whom I really don't know. I have all these feelings of insecurity, for the first time during this process. What if he doesn't agree with what I want to do for this next step in my life? I have heard from other patients that he doesn't listen to his patients that he has his own agendas.

This surgery is not a decision I came to lightly, it is not something that is a gut reaction looking for the miracle cure, I need this to live otherwise I am going to die. I even opened up to a physician I work with in the emergency room (and that was huge, but I wanted to know what she thought of the procedure) telling her of my plans. Now you have to know that this ER doc is fitness junkie she competes in marathons and swims miles a day and rides her bike to work even when it snows! She said to me why don't you just cut out carbs, it was that easy for me. I laughed and I said that is like telling a heroine addict to stop heroine, but hey everyone around you will be doing it and its ok but not for you. I need this tool. She gave me comfort in talking with me saying that "You know I have NEVER seen a complication here from this surgery. That doesn't mean there are not possible complications (which I acknowledged). I have seen serious complications with the by-pass and lap band but not this procedure. So if you are going to do it this sounds logical and the safest. Good Luck". It was like she gave me a thumbs up which meant the world to me.

Now, I have to meet with yet another person, a physician, who could derail my future. Is he friend or frenemy? My friends know me they know what I need to do to be healthy, but a frenemy would judge me and tell me there is another way, their way. My worst fear is he is a frenemy, so many doctors have proven to be frenemies. They do what they think is best saying I am not "that" big, that I dont need to lose weight and that I am healthy, so many times I want to scream. It has taken me years to get them out of my head and realize that I have to take control, I have listened to too many people in the past. I have so much in my family history that could come to haunt me, every co-morbidity that an obese person faces but I have been blessed to avoid every one of these health problems. It was easy for me to believe the docs that told me I was healthy and that I didnt need to lose weight because I didn't have these health issues. if I don't correct my weight I know I will become chronically ill and die. Sure hope he understands.