I just can't SEE it!
So I've lost at least 70 pounds in my journey so far. I say at least because I gave up my scale for Lent and I'm not actually sure of my current weight at the moment. But with that much weight loss I can already do so many things that I wasn't able to a couple of months ago. The beautiful winter coat that I bought right after Hurricane Sandy is already so loose on me that I can easily overlap the front panels. I fit in the seats at my school's theater. The dress I wore to junior prom in high school is so loose now that it falls off of me. I have a neck, I can wear normal sized rings, I can run....the list is long. When it comes right down to it however, I feel like I'm still looking in a funhouse mirror! I feel like I look twice as big as I did when I started. I look at old pictures of myself and where other people can see a difference, I feel like I am still exactly the same. It's a discomforting feeling, knowing that you are changing to everyone else but being unable to recognize those changes in yourself. I suppose everyone who has undergone dramatic weight loss deals with this sort of body dysmorphia, but it's still a bizarre feeling. As a costume designer, I can pretty much sketch an accurate body sketch of someone just from a page of garment measurements. So I've taken my own actor's measurements every other week since I began. Those numbers are really where I can see a difference. I can picture bodies from measurement charts and my first chart body is dramatically different for my current chart body. So for now I guess I'll have to depend on that kind of external measure to understand how my body is changing.
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