My official intro, you may know me as DrmBig4Evr, or Kathryn, but allow me to introduce to you The High Heeled Ninja Assasin.

Going through the official pre-operation phases from research to pre-authorization, approval and now finally pre-op status I have gone through a number of emotions. I know all of us have pre and post op.

In reflecting on this past week I realized a number of items I wanted to blog about, but didn't get around to it. This morning I realized the best way to do this is to write this blog and title it appropriately.

All of my life I have been known as a fighter, a fighter against adversity. Now, I realize that is not enough. Why fight adversity to gain a "normal" sense of life when I can go up against my fears, additions (food/abuse), problems full force as a ninja and break through each one and move FORWARD?? I've been living my life the wrong way.

A little background on my past, but this past does not define me...

* Teen mother

* College Graduate

* Abbusive Relationships

* Supportive Family

* Narcissistic Husband

* Overweight

* Single Mom of 2 beautiful boys, turning 11 & 18 at the most appropriate time, the weekend of my surgery

* Professional & Strong Woman

I have allowed the above "classifications" define who I am. I thought I was embracing adversity and overcoming it when I should have fought through it and kept moving. There are those to remind me that I am too young to have an 18 year old and to them I say simply, I know. However, I noticed that I also have appeased my biggest interloper, my ex-husband (Nov 2012), by giving into his demands and putting my life on hold as not to "rock the boat". When I decided on this journey it was mainly for quality of life puroses, medically speaking, but what I have realized I've gained is a change of a QUALITY LIFE.

You may be wondering about the title of my blog. Well, obviously the ninja assasin may be self-explanatory. I will overcome AND advance forward very calculated and strategically. However, the high heeled part is specific to the abuse I have received over the last 13 years of my life. The physical abuse stopped about 10 years ago, thankfully, but the emotional, financial, and manipulative ways continue on today. I have clawed my way out and I am finally seeing a light. I was told I do not look good in heels, but I LOVE wearing them. I am not too tall, but not short either. 5'5.5" with 3" heels would make me as tall as many men. Being overweight, heels made me feel pretty. I used to blame my ex for his opinions stating it was his insecurities. Typical Napoleon complex in my opinion. However, I bowed to the abusive behavior, I started buying more flats, and why not I had back problems anyway. I didn't realize how upset I was about this control until I was faced with attending a R&B concert and I "asked" if I could wear heels with my dress and I was told no, I look unnatural. WHAT???????? I wore flats and rocked them, noticing I was the only one with them on. NOW? Its time for ME. I am going in full force with my heels on assasinating any negativity and facing adversity like a Ninja!