I just made an on-line photo album entitled "Before and After". Of course, right now I only have before pics in there. I am so embarassed by my size. I cropped most of them but I left 2 of them so I can compare myself to other "normal" sized people. I am horrified. If I ever start to question if I am doing the right thing by having weight loss surgery, all I need to do is go back to those pics. It's quite a motivator. I never realized how much I cross my hands over my belly, as if I'm going to cover that massive size!!

I had my first consultation with Dr. Sadek in Somerset, on January 21st. According to his scale, my BMI is 37. There is no guarantee of insurance coverage with a BMI less than 40. Over 35 requires a co-morbidity. My BP and cholesterol have always been fine, so we will see what my sleep study shows. If I have sleep apnes, even mild, he said he will be able to get coverage. I have seen the nutritionist on January 28th. I lover her!! She is very supportive and non-judgemental. I also had my psych consult on January 31st. She remembered me from when I worked with her about 15 years ago. She asked alot of questions and wrote down everything. She said she would send her consult to Dr Sadek and she sees no problem with me having the surgery. Of course I didn't disclose EVERYTHING she asked, because I want to keep this pre-approval process as smooth as possibe. I know what I need to do for my mental health.

My next clearance appointment is with the pulmonologist on February 11th. I need to schedule a sleep study ASAP as my clearance depends on the result. I hope I can schedule that sleep study by the end of the month. I also see my PCP the following week, the 18th. I think he will be supportive of surgery. I return back to Dr. Sadek on February 28th. I think as soon as he had the nutritionist report, psych eval, PCP approval and slep stufy result his office will send it to the insurance. After that, it is just my GI eval/EGD and cardiology clearance, which I have the entire month of March to get that done. Pending insurance approval, I am scheduled for April 12th at Centrastate! I am so glad I didn't have to have it done at RWJ, as I know far too many people who work there, especially in the OR and PACU. Even if I made it thru pre-op and post-op without recognizing somebody, I would be so paranoid about running into someone I know in the hallway. Even though it's only a one night stay, I think I will be much more relaxed at Centrastate.

So far only my husband and 3 children know about my pending surgery. Right now I don't want anybody else to know. I love my in-laws but they are very judgemental and I don't think mom would not be able to tell her brother and sister, and maybe one or two other people. If I tell people, I will now when the time is right but for now, it's mine to tell. My husband and kids understand that.