Hello it's me again.... I have about T-minus 5 days and counting to see the doctor for the first time and start the process of a new me. I think it's crazy that my nerves are starting to take control over me and all the other emotions that can go with it. I am not sure, but I think I may be driving my husband crazy. I have called on my insurance and the surgery is approved, but I have to have 3 months of monitered doctor visits. Piece of cake right? Just makes me want to be pushy and have the surgery sooner rather then later. I am still fighting with is this what I want? My immediate answer would be YES!!!! The doctor visit will seal it for me and I will know then if this is the diredtion i want to go, however I think I will still question off and on until I get it done!

My husband has started second guessing my decision and now it seems like he doesn't want me to get the surgery. I am not sure he understands how bad my back hurts and my knees and hips ache all the time. I recently found out I am in early stage of type 2 diabetes and I have high cholesterol. As the doctor put it I am a tcking time bomb and need to make some drastic changes soon. I realize I am altering part of my anatomy because my will power is not up to par, but I look at it this way.... Aren't I altering my anatomy by being this large and wasting away cartlidge in my joints.....

I figure I can either sit here in my home feeling imprisoned because I don't like to be out and about with my size or I can take control of my life and put things back in order. I think my answer is that I am going to take control of my life rather then my life control me.