So now that I have "officially" accepted responsibility for my weight gain over the years, now I'm trying to figure out what led to this roller coaster life I lead! My last blog, I talked about being on phen-phen and loving it... then getting married and 2 kids later - poof I'm topping 259.6 lbs! But there is a lot in between that time span that I need to reflect on!

So - in my late 20's and early 30's - newly married, fabulous job, living in DC - smoozing with the politicians, climbing the work latter, away from my mom.... hmmmmm - can't think of a single reason emotionally that I should have gained weight... I think I stayed a size 10ish - wavering between an 8 and 12 probably - so not too bad. Though, again, I thought I was HUGE! But honestly, other than eating out, and enjoying an adult beverage (oh and not working out) - I'd say life was even for me during this time!

Moving into my 30's - 2 kids now! Moved to Atlanta - lived in the burbs with the white picket fence (literally, a white picket fence)... hanging in the cul-de-sac in my sweater sets.... I gained about 40 - 50 lbs with each kid - though I lost "most of it" each time - but stayed in the 170s - 180's for the most part. I played tennis on the neighborhood tennis team - and in my late 30's, started running... I got down to a size 8 - 10 again and looked and felt good!

Then BAM! It hit! My daughter is in kindergarten - teachers think something is "not quite right"; tests begin... nothing unusual - but still something "is off".... she enters 1st grade... and now the fun begins.... without going into the details of how we got there... we found out my daughter was dyslexic! The end of the world!!! We thought we had to brightest (her IQ by the way is 1 point below Genius), most perfect child... oh my god... what are we going to do? What did I do? I went into Mamma Bear mode.... started looking at private schools that specialize in dyslexia, started taking her to special tutoring sessions (driving an hour home from work to pick her up, then driving another 45 minutes to the tutor, waiting an hour, then driving an hour back home (rush hour). We started eating in the car - snacks on the way there, dinner from Mickey D's or Chick-fil-a on the way back... 3 x per week!!! I stopped running - who has time for that when you have a full time job, 2 kids, and this new "the world has ended" weight on my shoulders?

My daughter was accepted in the top school - whew!! but that meant commuting 1.5 hours each way every day... but I was willing - because it was only supposed to be for 2 - 3 years (a transition school, where there is remediation and you go back to the "real world"). So we ate in the car...ALOT!!! My daughter isn't gaining weight because she is active (see a pattern from my mom here?)... but she is also on ADHD meds with acts as an appetite suppresent. I however, am gaining weight... not on the tennis team anymore, and definitely not exercising!

Now add in my son - the pre-schools are saying he has some issues too - oh here we go again - at least we know what to look for this time - right? But we have him in a pre-school that is for advanced kids - and he is falling behind - and the teacher is bullying him - yes bullying a 4 year old. He went into a depression - 4 year old!!! He was the happiest kid - every day is a good day - and then boom - depressed! We pulled him out of that school and went to another school - he was happy, but not learning - but happy :-)! In Kindergarten - we decided to nip it in the bud - have him tested and boom - he is dyslexic too (it is hereditary and I probably had it but overcame it with my intellect and my dad is). We enter him into the same private school as my daughter - and now have $50,000 in tuition plus uniforms... plus the commute... and eating on the go!

But - it was only temporary - right? So we did it... and then.. came the time for my daughter to be retested (every 3 years) and to start thinking about the next school..... I remember it clearly... I had just started a software development leg of my company... I was 30 minutes from walking into a board room filled with CEO's and CIOs from major companies (7 of them) to pitch my latest product.... and the psych called.... "Hey Krista - just wanted to let you know I'm coming up with some "weird" results for Natalie".....pause...."I'd like to run some additional tests"....pause...."I think she may be on the autism spectrum...and by the way I think she comes by it from her dad"! THUMP!!! OMG!!!! Did she just say AUTISM? OMG!!!!! So I compartmentalize that, and do my presentation... them come out and just CRY!!!!

Turns out... after the initial testing and 2 second opinions... she is on the spectrum... and my husband is accepting that he may be too - but what is he going to do about it at almost 50 years of age?... Now my world is crumbling... AGAIN!!!! I have to find a new school, I have to put her in a "social skills" class (she was "shy" all this time - not autistic), I have to rearrange my life... AGAIN!! My world ended during this time - how can this be? So I started taking Lexapro to "deal" - and I probably drank way more wine than I should any given week... and I most definitely ate out every meal and did not exercise!

OK - so, I found a school - only it is 2 hours from our house... my son is still at the dyslexia school - the complete other direction... so now what? Oh - sell our house and move closer! We also decided to go ahead and move our son to this school as it is a school for all types of learning differences! So - we move, move schools, and I also decide to sell my businesses.... I had to make changes - I had to do something!!

But selling my business turned out to be a VERY bad idea (I'll write more on that another time)... and turns out, my son has Asperger's too - OMG - TWO KIDS on the spectrum!!!! Though actually with my son, they don't know how to diagnose him - so they just gave him that DX - he really has more working memory issues and his IQ is on the low side!

So - moving from my past - I think I did very well overcoming my mother and childhood stuff... I did very well with moving up the corporate ladder, and I did well early in the childhood raising area.... My weight gains - major weight gains started when trouble hit my perfect little life! I turned to food (and alcohol - though I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic) to solve my problems - to comfort me! Food was the one staple that was there - no matter what - I could count on a drive-thru... I could count on a good sushi meal (I mean like $50 - $60 of sushi for me alone)... I could count on a bottle of wine!

I can see the crisis that hit - I can see how I used food - but what I don't know yet, is how will I overcome the "next" crisis?????? More to come as I figure out this journey!

Look for my scary boss story coming next - this is when I hit the top of the scales!!!