Well, I've never been a "blogger" but I've always been a writer, so hopefully this will be something I can keep up with, and keep track of this entire journey.

As of right now, I'm still pre-op. I decided in early January 2013 that I'd had enough. I've done the diets, I've done the exercise routines, boot camps, pills, programs, shakes...nothing works. It's the same 20 pounds I've been losing and gaining for years now. I'm tired of working my butt off, and not showing any results, or showing results- and the second I back the plan to a livable level- boom, the weight is back on.

I've struggled with my weight my entire life- and I decided 2013 will be the year I change that.

I met with my PCP already, she agrees, we've been working on my weight loss for almost 2 years now, and she sees my work, my diets, my programs, and the failures they've all been. I was referred to Bilal Kharbutli who works out of Henry Ford Wyandotte. I contacted them the same day- I was excited, and nervous- but ready to at least get more info. That's actually how I found this site...digging for more info. The permanent nature of this surgery has me a little freaked out, to be honest.

I contacted Dr. Kharbutli and they said I needed to attend a seminar, coming up on 1/15- I signed up- asked my husband to come along so he knew what we were getting me into (lol), and found a sitter for my son.

I was more than nervous when the day came, and it was just the seminar!! I was surprised how many people were there, shocked at the information that was given to us- the obesity rates in the US are OUTSTANDING...it brought me a lot of information, a lot of comfort too- I walked out of there ready to "do this". I'm a little scared, every once in a while I think..what if I get this surgery and hate my life - this is forever, this isn't something you can go- "oh well, that didn't work out- on to something else" this is a MAJOR lifestyle change, and it's forever. The other side of me says- you need this, you haven't been able to get it done any other way- and a major lifestyle change is in order.

I called the next day to set up my direct one on one consult with the surgeon, they never called me back. I called again today and got a receptionist- told her I wanted to set up my initial consult, and she explained they needed to run my info through insurance first to find out if it's covered...i asked- how can you find out if I'm covered, when you don't know my bmi? She asked for an approximate weight and height...which bothered me a bit. I've always called myself 5'7, but what if I'm only 5'6? The reason I stress about this- is that I'm JUST barely qualified for this surgery- at this moment. I've been qualified in the past, but decided this was the LAST option, and kept up dieting/exercise/Adipex daily. Anyway- I'm technically qualified if I have one or more health conditions-- other than head splitting migrains and daily back aches...I do'nt have the typical high bp, diabetes, etc- actually my dr said- I do'nt understand your weight struggle...when you look at your info on paper- your blood values, diet and exercise program, stats- you should be a healthy weight person...but I'm not...no clue why...? (very annoying to hear this btw).

So at this point, the surgeon's office is contacting my doc to get records of my past diet and exercise programs, and then they're supposed to call me back for my first 1 on 1 consult.

They've said I need to pay my deductable, and that my insurance then covers 50%, with a coinsurance limit of $1500...I'm not sure what that means exactly...either I'll end up paying less than $2,000 out of pocket, or could be paying like $5,000-$6,000 out of pocket- I need to figure that out

I guess that's it for today, at this point, I'm eating whatever I want..and feeling terrible about myself. I know that sounds crazy, but the dr said honestly with me being as close to just no questions asked "covered" by my insurance, a few extra pounds won't hurt my case. BLAH...as much as I enjoy digging into those yummy foods and stuff when the mood strikes, I find myself feeling crappier and crappier everyday- I hate seeing my body slipping back to the worst it has ever been- it's a not so great feeling, and I sure hope I don't need to keep this up for the next 6 months or whatever- I hear wait periods on all this process can be killer.

Here's to hoping I get a quick response from the doc today-