It has been two weeks and five days since my surgery, and I am left in wonder and introspection.

I have had my first post-op doctor's appointment and am scheduled to see him again in about two months. I am to lose 24 pounds by then. My scale and the scale at my doctor's are different by six pounds; I also weigh myself nude at home while I am fully clothed while at my doctor's (plus I think I had my car keys in my jeans pocket).

I've realized I haven't been following the schedule that I am supposed to have set with my meals: 3 meals a day, 2oz each, and 2 protein shakes. I am still on a liquid diet; broths and protein shakes have been my meals. I've been nearly meeting my protein intake of 50g a day (I get around 46-50, depending on the kind of shake I drink). Along with my realization that I need to work on my food schedule, I also realized I need to be measuring my broth so I can get used to the 2 oz of food I am allowed, so when day 22 comes along, I will measure my soft foods out of habit. Instead of measuring my broth, I've been pouring them into my little toddler bowl and eating it slowly until I feel full. I believe that I was eating double of what I should, but then would not "eat" broth the rest of the day, but would focus on drinking my protein shakes.

Even with the completion of my third week coming up and soft foods will soon be on my menu, I am still only allowed 500 calories. This is somewhat concerning to me in that a protein shake that I am loving automatically gives me 220 calories. I can reduce that by using just water to make my shake as opposed to a cup of soy milk and half a cup of water; though with the current way I make my shake, I get 33g of protein in. I'm considering having that shake as a "breakfast" and shake combo.

I am also concerned about the 500 calories since I will be starting to exercise, besides the everyday walking that I do. I will start slow, but I also know that beforehand I could burn 400 calories with 30mins of cardio. I trust my doctor, so I just have to hold on to that while wrapping my head around the idea of small calorie intake and the addition of cardio and eventually strength training.

With all these changes that I've been going through, I've realized that I've been focusing on the wrong numbers: instead of focusing on my number triad of 500/50/<40, I have been focusing on the number on the scale. and disappointed in that I see no difference in my body shape. Still, I know I am losing weight, and I tell/comfort myself with the idea that I may be losing slowly compared to others but that could be good for me skin wise and also, just adjustment wise.

I've taken to keeping a food diary, and have set up a weight loss chart to remind myself that even if I cannot see a difference, I am losing weight and am on track.

With all that being said, I am glad that I've taken this big step and am making progress on my journey. I've realized my mistakes and am seeking to correct them. I am working on my water intake, thought I do get my full amount of liquids in through the broth, shakes and bit of water I do drink. I know I need to get better at my water intake since I will be trying soft foods soon, so I will be including broth less and less in my liquid intake (and really, I am getting so freaking tired of chicken broth).

I am making my way down this path and with each little step I'm realizing past mistakes in the way I ate and took care of myself, and I'm realizing the mistakes I was making now and am working on correcting those. Sometimes, things that are worthwhile must be worked for and earned so their enjoyment is that much sweeter. My life will be so much sweeter learning and meeting the new me.

And for now, in the short term, the sweetness will come with my first scrambled egg!