IDK how far I'm ever going to get in this journey. After my disaster of a consult at the beginning of December, I've been going back and forth with my insurance on getting approved to see a different surgeon, and to say it's been an uphill battle is putting it mildly. I can resume this battle on Thursday since my MD's office is closed until then. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I really had no idea it would be this difficult to get to the operating table - I'm starting to think I never will get there.

The holidays are finally over, and losing that stress has really put me in a sad frame of mind. I'm definitely in a slump right now. I feel hopeless in getting my surgery approved/scheduled. I thought I was so close, and I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I feel like giving up, and not just because this has been such a stressful process, but because I no longer see losing weight as a chance to reclaim my life.

I've been cooped up in my house for days. I had the luxury of being off from work since last Friday, and I've only left the house one time since. Why? Because I have nowhere to go. Not a single "friend" texted me on NYE, not to invite me out or invite me over or even to wish me a happy new year. Not one single phone call from anyone to see how I have been or ask how I am doing. And yes, I realize I could be the one to pick up the phone, but I have nothing to say... That's probably the reason people don't call me in the first place! Nothing ever changes with me. If someone does ask what I've been up to, the answer is either "Not much" or "Just working."

I'm just tired of being alone. Always all alone. No one's on their way here. No one's making plans to see me. No one's got me on their mind... and really, why should anyone be thinking of me? I'm no one's someone special, and I probably never will be. This is my life. You'd think I'd accept it by now. But it still makes me sad from time to time...

Pity party for one, over here.

I hope that at some point this year, I can be truly happy. And I hope that point comes soon...