Ever since my surgery I've not once experienced that trigger of madness that carbs use to cause before.Until yesterday.

Everything was fine until about 17:00 when I decided to have a slice of christmas fruitcake.One slice became 2 and I thought I was fine.But I couldnt stop eating after that.I want to list what I ate,so that I can remember how easy it is to just slip right back into old habits if not cautious!

We came back to the B&B at about 18:00 and that is when the binge started.Over the next 6 hours I had 3 rusks (about 40 carbs and 200 calories each) one of those round lindt chocolates,5 blocks of fruit and nut chocolate and then I decided I needed protein (not!) and ate about 5 thai pork riblets.

Now Im not sure if it the gin and tonic I had before the fruit cake that made me not think things through or if it was just the sugar that triggered me.The thing that bugs me so much is that until yesterday,I couldnt touch chocolate as the taste was just to revoltingly sweet.It would make me feel so aweful.But for some reason in combination with everything else It tasted wonderful and I could munch away at it just fine.

Not having access to a scale today is driving me absolutely crazy now and I am wondering how AM I GOING TO PRACTICE WHAT I ALWAYS PREACH.I can eat a breakfast of 1 egg and a sclice of bacon but as for the rest of the day,the whole family's going to spend all of this day on the beach and I have no idea what food there will be.I find myself eating fried foods and not grilled (by choice,bad choice) and I have had quite a couple of french fries already this holiday.

Maybe I should first find out where I can weigh.Then I should see if I can find any shop thats open (small town,everything seems to be closed on boxing day) to buy some deli meat (ham or turkey if they have) and then I should just stick to 3 meals and a few beef jerky sticks as snacks.

No one seems to understand that being so close to goal,I dont want to gain any weight now.It is not a matter of just losing it again.I have to try to get to a point where I dont gain with every special event in life.

Anyhoo,no use obsessing about this as a lot is out of my control at the moment.This is why I prefer hotel stays to Bed and breakfast stays it is just easier food wize.

Ok,now to tackle the issue of 1.no umbrella for the beach 2. ME NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE MY FLAPPING ARMS,BOOBS AND LEGS in front of all these people today.

Happy holidays everyone!