So I've been meaning to blog but have been busy at work and I rarely get on the laptop at home. Im on the computer at work all day long that when Im home, a computer is the furthest from my mind.

Where shall I begin? I'll try not to make it long, I'll try to just blog what's been on my mind. Let's start with Thanksgiving. I didnt cook, I was supposed to go to my nieces house but didnt go because my loving husband didnt feel like going or doing anything. Thanksgiving thou he made sure to take his happy ass to his mom's house. I tried to get my mom to go to his mom's house so we could have something to do but she refused. I went to his mom's house for about an hour and then left. I came home and worked on some jewelery and watched some tv in a peace and quiet environment. Your now probably asking yourself if I ate anything. OF COURSE! I ate tablespoon portions of food. I had ham (protein), I had brocolli salad (cheesy and the sweet kind) and I tried to eat a stuff shell but that didnt go so well so I left that on my plate. I had a slice of jello and a small portion of a banana split sundae cake. Im still feeling the guilt of eating the non-healthy helpings, whether they be small or not, they were still unhealthy.

I've noticed that when I eat, I get an uneasy feeling if I eat and drink at the same time. Yes I know Im supposed to drink 30 minutes before eating and then drink liquids 30 minutes after eating but because Im so used to doing both at the same time, it does have his disadvantages now, especially the "airpocket" feeling that happens everytime I do this. I also noticed that when Im getting full or my sleeve is nearing fullness, I will start to burp and that's my sign to STOP! Im cool with that!

I wont have a doctors appointment until February so thats a pretty long time not to be weighed. I dont feel any skinnier nor do I look any skinner. Im praying that by February I'll have lost some more. I've taken some pictures here and there with friends BUT I have become a little bit saddened by them. I still see the chubby girl, I still see my rolls thru my blouses or shirts and it makes me sad. Times like this is where I start regretting my surgery and wished I had gotten the gastric bypass rather than the sleeve. I desperately want to see the weight shed off like water instead of trickeling off me. My oldest daughter told me last night that I look anorexic. How funny is that?!? I wish! Its sad that I truly am telling the truth when I say "I wish". I was getting a haircut over the weekend and was telling the stylist about my surgery. Naturally they say what everyone else says "you werent fat" and blah blah blah. One stylist actually stated that she was trying to "gain weight" and she eats everything under the sun and cant gain squat! I swear, if one never speaks of anything, the other person would never know of their own personal battles. They were shocked to even hear that I want to weigh 125 (my start weight was 225). I see nothing wrong with this weight. My surgeon actually wants me at 150 and that's fat in my eyes. Its just my opinion for me and not for someone else going thru the same thing. What I see in the mirror will always be different what someone else sees of me and of themselves. After all it is America and we are entitled to our opinions good or bad. This is what I want to weigh, this weight would make me happy, bones popping out everywhere on my body would make me happy. Its my honest opinion why would I say something someone wants to hear if it wasnt true.

Before ending this blog, I have two brighter notes to share...first, I was helping out at a church bazaar this past Sunday, I bought a pair of tights. The tight size was Medium/Tall (150-190 pounds) I liked them so much and I bought them even when my inner-voice was telling me that they were going to be small. Im glad to say that this morning I tried them on (while praying outloud "please fit, please fit" and even went as far as pulling out the plus size tights in case they didnt) and guess what! They indeed did fit! Im pretty happy about that. I know its silly but being fat/chubby really takes a toll on me and trying clothes on was always going to determine how my day was going to be, a good or a bad day. Know what I mean? You try something on and its snug so you go to your closet for something much more loose fitting. Meanwhile I would get bummed out if I had to return to my closet and get something bigger. Or be sad that it didnt fit and it only made me realize that I was indeed fat. Ugh, I tell ya, my mind is my worse enemy.

Secondly, one of besties will be having her lapband surgery on December 3rd. She started her liquid diet on November 19th and shes doing real good even thru turkey day. If anyone is going to have success in this weight loss surgery its going to be her! I cant wait to start seeing her before and after pictures and hopefully she'll start blogging her experiences. She has many friends whom have had the lap band surgery and getting support is gonna be readily available for her.

Welp, thats all for now. Hope you have a great afternoon and week!