Am really at the end of my tether with it all now, feel like deleting the blog and go back to try and loose weight on my own, i am writing this blog to keep account of my life before and after the sleeve operation, but seriously wondering if i will ever have the op.

I have been waiting in hope every day that i would get a telephone call to tell me why my blood isnt clotting and what the treatment will be.

Why does it take this long, am sooo annoyed and fed up.

I have been trusting in God and patiently waiting and if wasn't for my faith in God i just don't know what i would do.

There is something inside that keeps me from walking away from it all and helps me to continue to hope and keep on with this, but i am still having to battle with my feelings which are at screaming point, my feelings say just give up and stay fat, but in me deep down i know that it is worth hanging on and keep waiting to get my operation, but it feels like i am hanging by my fingertips.

I have had a really bad time with gout, and fibromyalgia this last month, in fact it is so bad i have had to get a chairlift to get upstairs to go to bed, i can hardly walk and am desperate to get this weight off which will help my joints not having to carry so much weight.

It is 2 years in january since i first started the process and all the other people who started at the same time have had their ops and lost their weight.

I know it can always seem to be darker just before the dawn but, i need my dawn now.

I was told that i could ring my specialist nurse anytime which is good, but has she has never had this happen to a patient before she is in the dark too.

I can't ring the hospital because they say they are checking everyday and will ring me as soon as the results are back.

This limbo is driving me crazy, the not knowing is horrible.

The comments are wearing thin now, that it is better to be safe than sorry, i know, i know, i have never wanted something as much as i want this and that is why it is so hard, i have jumped through hoops, starved for two weeks, and then nothing, dissapointment is the worse thing.

Do i feel better for writing this, well, no not really, but as i am an honest person at least this hard part will be recorded and not glossed over.

God doesn't say we won't have problems in this life, but thank you God you are with me and i know that only you will bring me through this time and that stretching and growth hurts, ouch, but it will all work together for my good, i just don't like this going through it, i need to be carried for a bit, my legs are tired of walking, i need rest, those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength like eagles on the wind, I am waiting Lord.

God is never late, always on time, His time. here endeth my blog for today. but hoping for in my next blog