Hi, I had my sleeve surgery on August 6th, 2012. I actually tried to get the lap band back in 2006 but due to insurance regulations and morbidity-lacking qualifications, I was unsuccessful back in 2006. Jump forward a couple of years to 2012 and I finally had the right insurance and actually had some morbidities that helped me get the desired surgery. I kinda felt alone having to do this surgery because none of my family members have had some type of weight loss surgery, or had any friends that has gone thru this type of surgery. My husband was not very supportive in my decision and basically said "why ask my opinion when your mind is set already". Pretty much it was a true statement. All of my friends, coworkers, and mom stated that I didnt need the surgery, "your beautiful just the way you are". I appreciated all the kind words and concerns BUT none of them could even start to comprend what I see every day. Im not talking about being on a scale, Im talking about seeing myself in the mirror every day. Before finding this site, I started blogging my thoughts, my journey on www.blogger.com (Rhelm of Droopy). I hope you take the time to check it out, you will see my pre-surgery picture and my monthly pictures that I try to update on the 6th of every month give or take a few days.

Lets make my first blog entry short, my consultation weight was 235. My two-week liquid diet before surgery weight was 210. My two-week follow up weight was 191. My two month post-surgery weight was 189 and just this past Tuesday, November 13th, I weighed in at 176. So give or take, Im losing 10 pounds a month, Im going to be honest, wish it was more but Im happy nontheless. Clothes are starting to be baggy, I've gone thru alot of clothes and have given some to the salvation army. My face is alot thinner and thou my double chin still is visibily seen, its not as much as before. In my blogs I mention how a chubby girl notices weird things. I noticed that my inner thighs got thinner. By this I mean, when I walked my thighs would rub sometimes even chaffe from the friction. I guess you have to be chubby to understand this feeling but now I have notices that they dont rub as much as before. There are so many things that a chubby girl notices that a slimmer individual would take for granted. Yes, I have lost some pounds, BUT I'm looking for particular things in my weight loss and they may seem weird but it's something I personally want to see. Im not saying that everyone is the same, Im saying these are things I want to see personally in my "transformation". They are, naturally the weight loss, duh who doesnt! I want to see my collar bone popping out, I want to see the bone on the top of my shoulder's popping out, I want to see my torso start slendering rather than see my love handles sticking out or as I call them "my arm rest" defining my pants. I hope this makes sense because honestly in my head it does lol.

Getting rid of my clothes gave me anxiety. I kept telling myself "no save that or save this, what if you dont loose your weight, you wont have any clothes". I swear my mind is my own worse enemy. I did however get rid of alot of clothes and kept telling myself "you will loose weight". I was an 18/20 and currently Im a snug 14. My tops that I normally would buy in a XL or 1X are falling off my shoulders. My pants that are 16 or 14/16 are real bagging in the crotch area but I refuse to buy any clothes for the simple reason that Im going to try to reach my goal weight and to be buying clothes every time I go down a size is just really crazy. I dont know about you but I know I surely dont have money growing on my tree in the back yard. So yes, Im wearing baggy crotchy pants, and the shirts/blouses I have are in the 14/16 range in size. I actually went to the store yesterday and just window shopped. Funny how I would like a blouse and automatically would look for a 1X or an X-Large when clearly I could possibly may fit in a Large now. My mind is so used to being a certain way that even thou I see my full figure transformation I refuse to see my Skinny figure transformation. My mind is my worse enemy! Im not going to lie, I am my own worse critic, I still see the chubby me every day in that mirror. You would think that im on a scale daily to see my progress BUT im not. I have fear of gaining and a bigger fear of not losing. Make sense? Im not saying that this will happen to you, Im telling you that this is what Im dealing and going thru on a daily basis.

Im glad I found this sight, I hope that I can read some of the blogs and in some way compare notes, take pointers on how someone is dealing with particular things, find some sort of comfort knowing that Im not the only one that may feel this way or that way and most importantly, find moral support that we may have in common.