NOTE: Before I start this blog, there are a couple of things you should know. The first, the photo is NOT of me. It is a random curvy attractive woman on the web. I was going to put a photo of myself on here from tonight, but my husband thought it was a tad too reveling...So, I colored out my breasts and posted one at the end of the blog. LOL..... Second, in an attempt to take a photo of my sexy self, my husband almost ended up in the ER last night....more on that later.... LOL Lastly, every time I attempt to surprise my husband in a sexy way, SOMETHING goes wrong, Tonight was no different.

A LITTLE BACK STORY........

Saturday night I was headed out with the girls. I borrowed a pair of jeans from my niece (size 16, which I haven't been in since I was in H.S.), I borrowed a pair of shoes from my sister (my only shoes I own are the kind people wear on comfy days....translation, heals and bad backs don't go together) and I bought a new shirt that when I tried on and looked at myself, I have to admit took me awhile to accept that the person staring back at me in the mirror when I tried it on was really ME. But since I had been made fun of the weekend prior for wearing clothes that were WAY too big for me, I figured it was time I took the plunge. And according to the neck line on the my new shirt, i did just that!

So, once I got my friends overwhelming approval, we headed out. My husband was already out with some of his friends and said he would stop by the bar before he headed home for the night. I knew he would like what I had on, and I couldn't wait to show off to him. Sure enough, as soon as we got there, he pulled in the parking lot. As I walked up him, he took one look at me and turned and walked the other way. HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???!!! I thought for sure he would LOVE my outfit. It hit my curves in all the right ways, showed off the three things he likes most on me....my boobs (that's two) and my butt (number three).

Now, my husband is a very shy. He's a geek, nerd, dork (whatever word you feel more comfortable using here) and since I know him as well as I do, I knew exactly what happened. He took one look at me, thought I looked amazing, didn't know how to respond so he tried to act like nothing was different. Even when I asked him his thoughts, all I got was a, "You look nice." AGGGGHHHHHH, really? Nice? That's all you have for me? Good thing I love you and I know you love me!. But still, that doesn't take away a girl's need to see "that look in his eyes" and that "little smile" that comes out when a man l;ooks at you and thins you're the "cat's meow". Not sure where the meow thing came from...not soemthing I say EVER!!!

Well, the place was too crowded for him and he decided to continue home. I got many approving looks from men of all ages and shapes and sizes. To be honest, I even got some approving glances from females as well. Nice to know both sexes found me attractive. The bathroom was where I received the overwhelming approval of my female sisters. I was told I looked hot with out looking slutty.....(every girl's goal when she goes out...unless she's a street walker) That means i somehow managed to have the approval of everyone that night....except it seemed my husband.

So, when I came home feeling all frisky (and a little tipsy) , I was a shocked to find Scott asleep on the sofa. Once he woke up, I made him very aware of how his lack of interest in me made me feel. I also let him know that the only person i was out to impress was him and he seemed to be the least impressed of anyone who looked me up and down. Men I tell you. Because I was tipsy and hurt, I didn't really give him time to respond, i just laid it all out and then went and changed my clothes for bed. By the time i was done, he was in bed snoring again.

So, the next night, I decided to surprise him. I dressed up in a very sexy outfit for his eyes only. I had on fish nets, a garter, a black lace bra, a black mini skirt, the shirt I bought from the night before. and then topped off with a nice pair of heals with a thicker heal So, I kind of looked like a high end street walker....or a wife trying to spice things up. Even Scott seemed impressed with what I pulled together. Now, due to Scott and my back being bad yesterday, i didn't expect anything to happen....ok, maybe I was thinking something MIGHT happen.....I was just trying to get the response from him that i didn't get the night before. And trust me, I got it!! I even got some jumping up and down and screaming as well.

I have to say, that for the first time in years not only did I look and feel sexy, I looked and felt thin. To capture this moment, I asked that he take a couple of photos of me in my new sexy/slutty outfit. I was completely covered and planned to stay that way for every photo. Now, for the record, I wasn't planning on posting them on Facebook or anything....it was more just just him and I.. Then it happened. That moment I KNEW to expect. Everything was going well so there was no reason for me to think anything could ruin it On the contrary, I should have thought, "What is going to go wrong since things had been so well?" Yes, becasue if I had thought like that, the next thing that happened would haven't come as such a shock to me.

As my husband was doing something (I honestly don't remember why he was even near me) somehow, he last two toes found their way under the heal of my shoe (remember they are a thicker heals) just as I put all my weight down on that foot. The screech I heard coming from him was that of a small animal getting hurt by a human. As he jumped out of the bedroom to the living room on his one good foot, curse words escaping his mouth at every jump, I could tell he was in horrible pain. The more I looked at the swollen, bruised toe on his foot, the more obvious it became to me that I was not made to be sexy. i was not made to be accident free. I was definitely made not to seduce.

So, my sexy evening did end up with us both of us in bed alright...just not the way i planned. He was laying there with his leg elevated and with ice on it as I (now im sweatpants and a tee) lied next to him saying how sorry I was for breaking his toes . But at least we are now laughing at the craziness of the evening. You see, my husband and I always seem to hurt one another whenever we are trying to do soemthing fun and exciting. I have dislocated his shoulder numerous times while we played wrestled, I have broken nails playing around, and even once gave myself a concussion while attempting to be sexy for him. So, funny sexy mess ups are normal for us. Apparently we can't have seduction in our lives without having a little pain...or at least an attempt of the seduction. I am not surprised one of us hasn't ended up in the hospital yet (Ive come close....the time of the concussion) . I think the only reason is that we don't want to explain the ER doc that the reason we're there is because I'm a accident waiting to happen and when you throw trying to be sexy in the mix,,,,,it's a lethal combination. LOL

So, with all that.....are we the only couple that attempts to kill each other as we try to get frisky or do you have the same issues? I would love to hear your funny, painful stories...if you can remember them after the bang to the head!!! Sp [;ease comment and let me know Scott and and I are not alone!!!!!

NOTE ABOUT PHOTOS.....I AM SO SORRY ABOUT HOW DIRTY THE MIRROR IS. IT'S THE FIRST THING TO BE CLEANED WHEN I"M DONE HERE!!!!!!!!!

The Red Out (translation boobs covered shot of me)

Just my face without three chins!!'

The Killer Shoes