I lost -1.1 lbs this week. Nowhere near where I wanted to be. I'm now at 176.8 lbs and next week is my birthday. All I wanted to see was that glorious 169 lbs mark as a birthday present to myself. Just doesn't seem to want to happen on my time. But lately that seems to be the story of my life. I don't like when people play the victim. I feel we are all masters and commanders of our own lives and weight loss journeys. That being said, I've done a terrible job of steering and I feel like I've run my ship aground. I've written a lot about toxic people and time to clean house and surround myself with positive people and energy. But sometimes it's easier said than done.

After a very rough weekend last week during the championship water polo tournament, I've made the decision to quit water polo for the duration of this semester. I've had so much going on in my life that when I constantly get questioned and torn down, I have to wonder- am I doing it for myself or just to prove a point? I've proven what I can do. And maybe I will go back in the spring semester- maybe I won't. I'm still trying to swim 3 days a week on lunch, but I once again got back lash from people in my office who think I take too much time to work out and feel it is affecting my work (how, I'm still not sure) and reported me and now I have to cut my workouts down dramatically since I have to check in and out. I've really been feeling defeated lately.

I've come to the conclusion that haters are just going to hate. While most people will smile and say good job on your weight loss, many people would rather down play your hard work, tare you down, and even find ways to sabotage you. Some intentionally and some just because they are negative. They are friends, coworkers, associates, etc. In my case it's all of the above. I love my friends and especially those who have really kept me positive, but sometimes you need to close ranks, and build some pretty high emotional walls. I would love to go in to detail and discuss what it was like to have people say that I'm a bad mother for working out, that I'm liar and obviously must have eating disorder or be on drugs (because I haven't told many people I had WLS)... but I'm not. I'm not going to discuss it. I've already cried my tears. Gone through self-pity. And you know what? I'm still going to lose weight, I'm still going to finish school, and I'm still going to be a great and HELATHY mom regardless of what anyone else says. I'm not married, I don't have a partner to share all my intimate details and thoughts with. Being a single mom and going through this journey has really opened my eyes to independence and confidence. I've really looked at other people to inspire me then let them break me down instead. You have to be your own best friend sometimes. You've got to be your own super hero and save yourself.

Height: 5'9

Highest (Surgery) Weight: 216

1st Primary Goal Weight: 169

2nd Optimal Goal Weight: 145

Sleeve Journey:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 8/17/12- PreOp/Surgery Day w/Pics Posted in Blog

Week 1 (8/24): 204.8 (-11.2)

Week 2 (8/31): 200.6 (-4.2)

Week 3 (9/7): 196.8 (-3.8)

Week 4 (9/14): 193.5 (-3.3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 9/17/12- 1 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog

Week 5 (9/21): 191.6 (-1.9)

Week 6 (9/28): 190.1 (-1.5)

Week 7 (10/5): 187.0 (-3.1)

Week 8 (10/12): 181.9 (-5.1)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> 10/17/12- 2 Month Anniversary w/Pics Posted in Blog

Week 9 (10/19): 181.4 (-.5)

Week 10 (10/26): 177.9 (-3.5)

Week 11 (11/02): 176.8 (-1.1)