this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.

Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol

The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.

It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.

At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.

I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!

And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!

But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.

So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.

I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.

Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.