My beautiful housemate and best friend of many years,that really knows the extent of my desturbed body image and the body dismorphia (real) I have had since the age of about 13 have taken it upon herself to teach me about size...lol

Well,at first she was very subtle and I didnt know what she was doing.She would constantly ask me,when we were in the shops or gym,if I thought I was bigger than this lady or that woman.....she wouldnt comment much but sh wold tell me if I was wrong.

Today she said she wanted to show me women that was the same size and women that was much larger.I was not to ague this with her but just had to look at these women and had to think about what this mean in terms of how I see myself.

Very interesting I might say until I came home and looked at the newest pics my daughter took of me.I am still big as a house.Pictures dont lie!And maybe I dont need to see myself with my eyes but maybe I can just learn to ignore what I see that isnt true,that might help already!

Rome wasnt built in a day and I will keep trying to be more realistic,even if it is with my head!

Everytime I have lost weigh in the past I thought I would be able to see it and I never could.This made me extremely paranoid when people commented on my weight loss.This in turn woul make me fall off plan to stop being anxious and the old cycle would repeat.

I do no have these expectations anymore.I can trust clothes size and as it stands now,I still wear a size 18 which is huge even though I know it is smaller than a 24.

Everbody's got a story dont we?everyone trying to cope with all the crazyness in the world and so many not even realizing how much a part they are in it.And until real disaster strikes we dont realize how insignificant our daily struggles really are.