Today and tomorrow are the last days I will be able to eat whatever I want. My surgery is 9/26 and I should have started pre-op on the 12th, but I mistakenly had my mind set on ten days' pre-op so I am sticking with that. The psychological willingness to do this seems very fragile to me; i.e., not the surgery itself, but my part in changing my lifestyle.

I am a compulsive overeater, addicted to food, seeking comfort. I don't see how surgery is going to change that; yet it is a last ditch effort. I quit drinking; I quit smoking; I don't want to die addicted to food. I don't like being a slave to it. I want to get out from under this addiction, and that is the hopeful goal of my surgery.

I know that once established healthy habits become the norm and preference; at least that's my past experience with it.

So, there's all that. I am counting on prayer to pick up the difference between what I can do and what I must do. That's how I got through drinking and smoking withdrawal, which can be and were for me lengthy and torturous. Or, you could just say, I was a mess, felt like I was losing my mind. God got me through it ODAAT.

But I have a family . . . and spending this money on sleeve surgery instead of having my son's tonsils removed or a down payment on a new truck my husband truly needs for work seems terribly selfish.

We are hoping that once I have the surgery I will lead the family into better eating habits. No junk for me, none for you. My son has issues with his weight and while he's too old for me to dictate, we hope that healthier foods at home will help him.

So, it;s all about me. Of course, I look forward to the hoped for personal evolution weight loss can bring--new energy, ambition, freedom of movement, clothing, desire to go out, dress up, etc. I particularly miss yoga and hope that I will find joy in that again.

If you read this and want to comment, please do. I wouldn't write it here if I didn't want to share how I feel.