This week I lost three pounds and my therapist asked me how I felt about it. Anytime I lose a significant amount of weight I tend to get very anxious because I don’t know how to act. My body may have lost the weight but emotionally and mentally, I haven’t adjusted my way of thinking to this new, thinner person.

I know a lot of people say, “Well, just because you lose weight doesn’t mean you’re a different person. You’re still the same person.” I actually beg to differ on that. I’ve transformed from a person who weighed 330 pounds to a 240 pound person. Before the weight loss I went to work, came home, sat on the couch, watched TV, ate dinner, played on the internet, and went to bed. That was the sum of my life. I could barely breathe sitting down, or even get dressed in the mornings.

Now I’m participating in things I’d never be able to do if I was 330 lbs. I’ve been very active with my photography which requires a lot of energy to walk around for hours at a time. I’ve started weightlifting, kayaking, bicycling, and in general being very energetic. I have not only changed physically and have a lot more energy, but going from a sedentary life to an active one in just a matter of a few months requires a huge mental shift in the brain. Therefore, I am not the same person I was before.

In my hermit like existence I was not social at all. I didn’t like talking to people and I kept to myself. Because of all this activity, I’m being forced out into situations beyond my comfort zone where I have to interact with people.

Because of this weight loss I feel like I have broken out of a prison and like a freed prisoner, I want to experience everything life has to offer and everything I have missed out on all my life. This is why I am making an effort to become more active and even reach out to people for some social interaction.

The problem is that psychologically, my brain has not caught up with all of this and that’s what’s really causing the anxiety. I am very socially awkward. I don’t know how to talk to people because I’ve never had to do it. I don’t know how to act or react when people talk to me. I feel as if I have no social skills whatsoever.

I’m extremely shy and unable to hold a conversation or talk to someone in a social setting. I’m so shy and terrified that I wouldn’t go up to someone and start a conversation with them.

When I meet people I am paralyzed to open my mouth for fear of saying something stupid, dumb, or uninteresting. I’m constantly wondering what negative thoughts the other person must be thinking of me.

There are times I can be intelligent, interesting, and funny, but most of the time I think of myself as very dull. I guess all I can do is practice social skills by getting out there, into social situations. Meeting different people, meeting new people, and seeing how things go. Hence, it is torture to try to break out of my shell and venture out into the brave new world of humans.