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Thoughts Of Death

TamaraS

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I have been so focused on getting approved for the surgery, focusing on other people success and imagining my own that I hadn't really thought much about the possibility of dying in surgery until recently. It’s terrifying. I have a six year old boy. when my grandmother had passed in April, it was the first death He had ever experienced. I just keep replaying through my mind when he told me "mom if you ever die and go to heaven, Id make myself die to so we could be together" indescribably upsetting words to hear your child speak :’(

Three nights ago I was lying in bed and panic came over me as I thought of how I will be putting myself in a position where it could definitely happen (DEATH) if I go through with the surgery. I’ve read differing statistics: 1 in 400 die, 1 in a 1,000 die, and honestly those don’t sound good. I woke up the next day still very much worried. I sat in my recliner as I do every day because my knees hurt. I watched t.v. and played on my laptop as I do every day, to numb my mind of my barely getting by existence.I sit home alone in isolation most of the day until My beautiful boy gets home and then I’m too tired to play and have a short fuse with him because I’m constantly exhausted (just like every other day). A couple tears ran down my face at the realization that my hope for a better life has to be stronger than my fears of dying this time.

 

Im not happy being in pain and always tired. I’m not the good mom or wife I know I can be. I can’t fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse because I can barely shower and dress myself with out resting in between. I have had to stop wearing socks with my shoes because when I try to put them on, I pull muscles in either my leg, stomach or back. My life is so far from where I want it and I know I can get it back on track with this surgery. I might die because of this surgery. I will definitely die early if I don’t get this weight off. But I might be able to live AFTER this surgery… I don’t consider this living now.



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I totally agree! I look forward to living a life without limited mobility and pain. Thank you for taking the time to comment :)

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I also felt trapped on the sofa playing games and watching t.v too tired to move after work-- and in 7 weeks I remember what it was like to live again. I actually ran up and down the steps a few times because I forgot something... SHOCKER! (You know the whole- I'll get it later or when I go up to bed)

Do it-- not only will you not die-- you'll finally LIVE again!

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I agree with these good folks. Educate yourself. Research the chances of actual death (as opposed to the cheap imitation kind) from the surgery. Honestly, the chances are very, very low.

On the other hand, the chances are very, very high that you will be healthier, be able to really walk, play with your son, go to school for meetings without embarassing him (or yourself) etc, etc, etc. There's a good like waiting for you.

Also, if you currently have high blood pressure or diabetes, chances are very good that those conditions will get lots better. I can tell you that my aching knees are much, much better, too. It feels so good to be able to walk like a regular person!!! That sounds silly, but you will see. I hope. Good luck! You are doing it for yourself and for your family, too.

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I think the fear of dying while surgery is very normal. I myself have had second thoughts about having the surgery for the same reason but I also know that not having the surgery is a greater risk of death. But if you get all the testing done, do your research and comply with doctors orders you will be fine. I am sure that you will enjoy your son and husband even more after your surgery. Not only will you not be in pain but you will have way more energy to play with him without getting upset at your self. Don't hesitate to ask your doctor all your concerns. The best of luck to you.

Have you started the process yet?

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I went through the same thing...but I knew that my love for my kids and to be happy with them was far greater then my moment of fear. To make matters worse, it was the day of surgery and I was sitting there in the hospital waiting for the doctor to roll me in the surgery room and the nurse had the radio on...of course playing was Eric Clapton "tears in heaven" yeah...talk about a moment of tears..I started crying like a baby,the doctor walked in and asked if I was okay and still wanted do it? I just knew I wasnt really living life to it's full potential that way. I woke up a few hours later sleeved and no regrets. It will be okay...Just do this one thing for yourself so you are able to do everything for them, you wont regret it either. Reading and knowing your facts helps a lot.

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I had my surgery 9 days ago. I was nervous as hell and afraid of dying the whole time I thought about having the surgery (I contemplate for 5 years). I am a single mother to a 16 year old girl. Well I am still alive and walking and talking. I am not really living with all this weight. My knees hurt, my ankles hurt. I am short of breath and that is what made up my mind. I was gonig to die early if I dont get rid of the weight. I was released from the hospital 24 hours post op and so far so good.

Have faith!

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Lynneo, Thank you for the encouragement :) I wait for the day that I wont feel so insecure and have to worry about embarassing my son. I also look forward to getting rid of this knee pain. Glad to hear your pain is gone!!

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Thank you ScaredoftheUnknown, It is nice to know I am not alone in feeling like this! I have finished my required appoinments for insurance and I am currently waiting to hear back if I have been approved :) I am hoping to hear sometime this next week. Im really looking forward to getting my surgery date and getting healthy.

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Applebtmgrl77, I would have been in tears too! Ive always been more on the emotional side. Thank you for sharing your experience :)

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Finally 50, good luck on your journey! I am glad to hear surgery went well and you were able to be released after just 24 hrs!! I hope it goes so well for me :)

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