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From "fluffy" To Thinner Back To Fluffy.....depressing!

cadezma77

Entry posted by cadezma77 ·

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I have been feeling very depressed lately and can feel myself slipping back into my old behaviors, not eating related. It's more to do with anxiety and avoiding people. Since I was younger I have always had issues with social anxiety. As I gained weight the anxiety worsened. I didnt want to be around people,I avoided my kids school functions for fear of embarrassing them and myself, I really became a hermit. After I had the lapband and had lost some weight I noticed the anxieties lessend. I think I had a confidence in myself that I never really had before. I felt good!! I went out and enjoyed life, took my first airplane trip to Vegas, attended so many events I would have never in the past.

Now that I have gained the weight back I am back to that old person who I hated. I avoid events as much as I can and stick with my small circle of friends.I don't like to go out with the hubby for fear that we will run into his work friends and he will have to introduce me to them. One thing I make sure of is to avoid anyone I havent seen in awhile. I don't want them to see that I have gained the weight back. Last weekend I went to a BBQ and as my hubby and I were getting out of the car i heard my cousin say "is that cadezma" (obviously using my screen name here). Just the tone in his voice was like OMG she's huge again!!! I had that instant feeling of being punched in the stomach. I wanted to get back in the car and drive away, but of course I put my fake smile on and stuck it out.

I absoulutely regret the lapband and want it out, more so I regret losing the weight with it. I look at it as a tease of what life can really be like. Maybe I should use it to motivate me to get to that point but if I could do it on my own I would have never had to get the lapband.

I am not usually an emotional person but I am an emotional mess these days!!

 

As far as the dr appts go.... I demanded an Upper GI and endoscope. I had the upper GI last monday and the dr who did it said everything looked good.(he told my friend the same thing and when she seen the LB Dr that same afternoon, she was told she had a slip and dialation!!) I told my friend they probably got the charts mixed up and they were looking at mine, since her GI was just a check and she was having no symptoms. :P :P I don't see my dr until this week and havent heard nothing more from them, so I assume that things are good. I still want to have the endoscope done. I need to be sure there is no erosion etc. I am still having the nausea and things just don't feel right to me! Hopefully we can just get the process going on the sleeve!!!

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mrscastillo

is your band tight? I just switched from band to sleeve.... My band was too tight, then my doctor loosened it and it ended up slipping..l

I only lost 40lbs with the band... I followed the diet to a T, no mess ups until AFTER my band slipped.... I just couldn't loose weight.... Then I gained 15 lbs back and decided on the sleeve....

I suggest just telling your doctor that you want the sleeve (if that's what you want)

OR Start with liquids for 2 days then move to Greek yogurt for breakfast, salad for lunch and a protein shake for dinner....

good luck sweetie

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Gijane2012

Your story is my story.....pretty much the same. I just got my lapband removed and sleeved last Thursday. The Lapband failed me, you and so many others. It has worked for some but common in many of us that it did not work.....WE HAVE BLAMED OURSELVES. The weight, the embarrasment and so many other things like, hiding. I relate to you. What I want to do is ENCOURAGE you to pilot your life regarding your Drs visits. "You demanded...." Good. You have to let them see you because their work is routine and unless you holler, they may not hear or see you. It took me years to do that because I blamed me for the Lapband failing. I took the captain's chair in June 2012 and had the defective band removed (got sleeved too) on 8/23. I felt like a failure because not everyone knew of my band but enough people did and it felt like a PUBLIC failure. Depression.......my middle name. I was a happy go lucky person......had to take meds. I did, I still do.

I want you to be encouraged. I want you to be empowered. Writing and getting it out is good. Being emotional about it is good.

I don't know how many pounds I have lost since pre-op diet and since I've been on my post op diet.......I haven't checked. You know why? I feel good because I believe and know it will work. Since surgery, my outlook for life is changing. I have VISION. I was so blinded by my own darkness and now I am coming out. I know I will be fully out more and more as I make progress. So, go through your mental process and use US. Use me. We are here for you because many of us are or have gone through the mental beat us, depression and so forth. The light is there. You are peeling off layers.......continue because the Sleeve is right there for you. Navigate your ship. Keep me posted.

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cadezma77

is your band tight? I just switched from band to sleeve.... My band was too tight, then my doctor loosened it and it ended up slipping..l

I only lost 40lbs with the band... I followed the diet to a T, no mess ups until AFTER my band slipped.... I just couldn't loose weight.... Then I gained 15 lbs back and decided on the sleeve....

I suggest just telling your doctor that you want the sleeve (if that's what you want)

OR Start with liquids for 2 days then move to Greek yogurt for breakfast, salad for lunch and a protein shake for dinner....

good luck sweetie

The band isn't too tight, as they have taken alot of the fluid out. At one point I had 7cc's in my band and now we can't ever go past 5. If I remember corretly I currently have 4.5cc's. I did tell my dr I wanted the sleeve and she basically said "we will continue to work with the band while gathering info for the insurance company" Which I understand they want to make sure insurance covers it, but as far as the medically necessary aspect of it...I believe throwing up all the time and constant nausea should qualify me but maybe they are waiting for my stomach to combust or something...hahah I have an appointment tomorrow and I know I wont be getting a fill but hopefully some answers on when this whole sleeve process can get going!!!

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cadezma77

Your story is my story.....pretty much the same. I just got my lapband removed and sleeved last Thursday. The Lapband failed me, you and so many others. It has worked for some but common in many of us that it did not work.....WE HAVE BLAMED OURSELVES. The weight, the embarrasment and so many other things like, hiding. I relate to you. What I want to do is ENCOURAGE you to pilot your life regarding your Drs visits. "You demanded...." Good. You have to let them see you because their work is routine and unless you holler, they may not hear or see you. It took me years to do that because I blamed me for the Lapband failing. I took the captain's chair in June 2012 and had the defective band removed (got sleeved too) on 8/23. I felt like a failure because not everyone knew of my band but enough people did and it felt like a PUBLIC failure. Depression.......my middle name. I was a happy go lucky person......had to take meds. I did, I still do.

I want you to be encouraged. I want you to be empowered. Writing and getting it out is good. Being emotional about it is good.

I don't know how many pounds I have lost since pre-op diet and since I've been on my post op diet.......I haven't checked. You know why? I feel good because I believe and know it will work. Since surgery, my outlook for life is changing. I have VISION. I was so blinded by my own darkness and now I am coming out. I know I will be fully out more and more as I make progress. So, go through your mental process and use US. Use me. We are here for you because many of us are or have gone through the mental beat us, depression and so forth. The light is there. You are peeling off layers.......continue because the Sleeve is right there for you. Navigate your ship. Keep me posted.

Thanks you for your post, It definitley gave me a little hope/inspiration this morning!! CONGRATS on you sleeve!!! Can I ask how was your band defective? I am hoping my Dr will give me some answers tomorrow and we can get this ball rolling!!

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ISleevedIt

Stay positive! Sometimes doctors can't come straight out and agree with you, but must document and go through a series of tests to come to the conclusion of what you would like done, in this case sleeved. I don't necessarily blame the doctors since they are pretty much dictated by insurance companies on what is covered and when requirements have been met for certain procedures.

Good luck to you! I'm still in the pre-op phase for getting sleeved...just glad my insurance company has approved me.

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