Well, it's been a minute since I blogged. I don't know why... I feel like what voice do I have here? Some days, I honestly just don't feel funny. Some days I'm a whiny arsed brat. Well today's one of those days and here I am... but IDK why I am here. But I am.

I had surgery 3/5 originally; then readmitted with aspiration pneumonia (a complication from surgery, to which I believe it's due to too much anesthesia during surgery based on my prior history of having the same whenever I had a c-section), then a leak and revised 3/20. Then 7/4 or so, I went to the ER in the middle of the night as I woke up with body shaking, teeth chattering, would not stop chills that made me panic. I have never been so cold down into my bones in my life. I couldn't even move across the bed to nudge my husband (dang king sized beds... remember whenever you were dating, it didn't matter where you slept or how, just as long as you were together. Now I'm rather particular about my king sized tempurpedic. However, I digress).

Anywho, I went to my dr. about 2 weeks maybe ago... I have had consistent pain in my side and my shoulder since the pneumonia's reoccurence in July. She was going to pull my records from the hospital and check the xray, trying to save me some money I believe as the last visit's bill was about 2 G (can you freak'n believe for 3 hours of "care" in the ER it cost me 1400 and some change? That is LUDACRIS! ok lemme shush... but we wonder wth is wrong with healthcare.. here's one example! i only saw the dr. for 30-45 mins MAYBE. NUTS.). Well, she listened to my lungs and didn't hear any crackles. She told me instead that it sounded like I had a bone spur or osteoarthritis in my left shoulder. Oh thanks doc. Now I'm freak'n old. Just the thing I needed to hear. Well she was going to pull my XRays from the ER visit and get back to me.

A few days later, I called back as I had yet to hear. Well come to find out, they really wanted the CAT scan that I did (where the dr. told me something came up in the CAT scan as a possible mass on my shoulder. Um yeah, WHAT? My father died of cancer that came on suddenly so you hear "mass" and you are like WTH? I'm 38 so I was honestly like WTF but I was trying not to be crass, let's just be honest... I don't want to die anytime soon and I want to be healthy. Hello? It's why I paid out of my pocket for this surgery and why I work my assets off daily at the gym!). So they were trying to find the CAT scan because my regular dr. said it probably was an occlusion or a shadow since it wasn't the main area of focus in my CAT scan so she will review it and let me know.

Few days later, called back, as now I'm running a temperature and in much more pain. Left a VM for the nurse... second day no call back, I called this morning and they said go for an XRay. So 280-375 dollars later (not sure yet, they are "going to bill me"... ), guess who has PNEUMONIA AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNN?

I feel like I cannot catch a break here people. I still say I don't regret surgery but some days I also think I want to sue the damn anesthesiologist who caused this crap in the first place. I know everyone makes mistakes though, but this is now playing with my life, my job, making money and keeping a job. Probably just speaking out of stress as my job is changing. I start my new one 9/4 and everyone at my current position has been so very lovely. I couldn't ask for more. Except I am... to stop getting sick, especially with pneumonia!

I am fearful now. Where did I pick it up? Walking past someone just non-chalant? Did I pick it up the last time I went into the gym and did a circuit routine? Now that the winter is coming, what do I do? Stop doing anything? How am I going to continue to lose to my goal and keep my weight down if so?

I feel so discouraged. I have less than 20 lbs to my goal. I have never in my life ever been this small (and don't get me even started that most ppl at my height and weight are 2-3 sizes smaller than me, GRRR!). Just sometimes, I get so freak'n tired of life "not being fair."

Yeah, sorry, I'm freak'n whining and being a brat. Through all of this, yes, I also am that TOM. God really has it "out" for me with the comedy now doesn't He?

Ok... I am going to end saying, it's not only God that tests us. But it is God that allows me the strength to get through my life challenges. So I still believe and rely on my faith in Him. I may be a frustrated, whiny brat, but... I am optimistic that I will continue to soar and reach a higher level through even these challenges. Or so I'm going to do my best to believe in that because if I don't, I'll live in fear of getting pneumonia that will kill me this winter.

So should you have made it through my long arsed, whiny, tear holding back post.... and if you pray... do me one favor. Say one for me. Just in case. thx xxxx