Spanx -

This all started when I decided to put a dumb joke on a forum post. The question was a serious one, about when you could start wearing Spanz again after surgery. So I added a version of the age old joke, and it was well received:

A guy is undressing at the country club and his friend notices he is wering a pink girdle. He asks when his friend stated wearing a girdle. His friend replied, "Ever since my wife found it in my car."

And since I now have a good bit of extra skin around the old equator, I thought, maybe I should see if there is something like that for me. Well, it turns out that there is and soooo much more.

I do not see myself as the kind of guy that needs or would wear a pair of briefs with butt enhancers, but it is good to know that if I need them, they are out there - in three color options and an entire array of various lifts. I guess I am lucky in that my butt looks pretty much like it should (I guess). So I do not see this as a necessary accessory. I do think it is funny that you can get different lifts, like determining how high you want to jack up the rear end of your car.

If you do not know, Spanx actually has a brand for men called "Manx." It is very expensive. A "compression T-shirt" is 88 bucks. Seems a bit high since it is still 80% cotton. The other 20 percent must be stainless steel if it is going to hold me in...

Now about the briefs. There is way too much enhancement going on. Not to be rude, and I understand that men come in all sizes and that goes for each and every part. Again I guess I am lucky there as well. But unlike other things I do not need, I do not see the point of these. This is one area that it seems like if your plans are successful, your secret is going to be out.

Finally, what is with the models? The people that are wearing these things do not need them. I get it. You have to sell sexy. But a guy buying a pair of underwear designed to squeeze in his gut like a boa constrictor does not want to see a 30" waisted model wearing it. I need to see if it works. I want to see a big guy in it. I do not need to see smooth tanned sexy abs rippling through the spandex like ... (sorry got carried away there). Give me a good trucker, or a lumberjack, not a super model. With a shaved chest no less... I have chest hair, but I do not shave them - either of them!! Granted, on the man's thong page (which I was only visiting for academic reasons) the super models are nice, but for the shapers ... we need more offensive linemen and less tight ends. (pun intended)

Finally, I will admit that you ladies are awesome for wearing some of these things. They look very constricting. And some go from your ankles to your neck line. If I did that I would either have size 25 feet or have 25 chins looking like a badly folded cheap pink turtleneck. You can only squeeze so much, it has to go somewhere. You gals can let it all move upward and enhance the bustline. We do not have that option. Maybe they could squeeze it down far enough and around the corner and make a combination waist reducer and butt enhancer.

So I guess I just need to order one and see how it looks. Who knows? Maybe it will take the giggle out of my middle, until I get it down to where I want it to be.