i just read the scariest thread on OH.

A lady,4 years and 8 months out and gaining rapidly.Feeling lost and having no idea how to get out of the mud.She is back to not really knowing how she will lose the weight again.

This scares me senseless! What if what I think is mindful changes is just a matter of not being able to eat a lot?What if the WANT to outeat the sleeve starts in me too?How am I going to do this in the long term?I dont want to be on diet for the rest of my life.

I can do what I am doing now for the rest of my life,IF ONLY IT WORKS!

The problem does seem to be eating around the sleeve.Eating constantly,eating junk like crisps and a lot of carbs and sugar.But what if the changes I feel,like not depriving but not over indulging,keeping a good balance,saying no to myself to bad stuff most of the time,isnt real?

What if I am not learning to eat like a normal skinny person?

How do we know what will work for the FOREVER we need?

I am really freaked out by this as I saw a therapist for a year.In that year she aimed to teach me what normal was.I lost 70 pounds in 6 months and then went on holiday to the family.My brother and me had an argument and he seriously hurt my feelings.It was 4 days before I was to come home.I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION to eat emosionally just for those 4 days until I could get away from them and I LOST NORMAL in those 4 days.I never could get back on track and it took me about 3 months to regain all 70 pounds again.This was 2 years ago.

What if this happens again.Of course I have the resolve to not let it.Maybe that is another reason to have all the plastics done.Arms,legs,tummy,boobs.If I gain a 100 pounds then I will surely explode and that will just be the end of that!

Now I have to try and calm down to sleep!