Two Days, Twenty-Two Hours, Forty-Eight Minutes
These are my last couple of days being pre-op.
I am having a hateful day.
Maybe the jitters are finally catching up with me. Maybe I am just hungry.
I made sure I did everything I could to make sure this day came as soon as possible,
and now that it is just around the corner I am having a hard time articulating my feelings.
So, even though this is my first blog and I should be attempting to make a good impression, I think I am going to just dump it all here.
I am afraid that I failed my liquid diet.
I am big enough of a person (pun not intended) to own up to the fact that I have made a couple mistakes there.
Mostly in the first week and I have held strong
I am afraid that after my surgery relationships will be weakened.
My boyfriend of four years has wanted me to lose weight essentially the whole time.
I am worried that all our little problems will be amplified.
I am afraid, although I hate to admit it, of what people will think.
Of what all the people I haven't told will think.
Of what the people I have told are thinking.
Easy way out. Weak will. No self control.
All bad attributes to a 22 year old.
I am afraid that after surgery my confidence wont come
That I will always feel like the fat girl.
That I will always brush off compliments that are given to me.
That I will always be uncomfortable around new people.
That I will always be instantly put in the friend zone.
I think its just a bad, hungry day.
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