These are my last couple of days being pre-op.

I am having a hateful day.

Maybe the jitters are finally catching up with me. Maybe I am just hungry.

I made sure I did everything I could to make sure this day came as soon as possible,

and now that it is just around the corner I am having a hard time articulating my feelings.

So, even though this is my first blog and I should be attempting to make a good impression, I think I am going to just dump it all here.

I am afraid that I failed my liquid diet.

I am big enough of a person (pun not intended) to own up to the fact that I have made a couple mistakes there.

Mostly in the first week and I have held strong

I am afraid that after my surgery relationships will be weakened.

My boyfriend of four years has wanted me to lose weight essentially the whole time.

I am worried that all our little problems will be amplified.

I am afraid, although I hate to admit it, of what people will think.

Of what all the people I haven't told will think.

Of what the people I have told are thinking.

Easy way out. Weak will. No self control.

All bad attributes to a 22 year old.

I am afraid that after surgery my confidence wont come

That I will always feel like the fat girl.

That I will always brush off compliments that are given to me.

That I will always be uncomfortable around new people.

That I will always be instantly put in the friend zone.

I think its just a bad, hungry day.