I went for my first consultation this passed week. I have spent the last week thinking of how I am possibly going to do this to my self. Then I think about the family history I have and I think it much beeter then dying from a heart attack at 40. But this is totally my way of thinking.

It sounds like you're very resistant to some of the tests that the doctors want you to have. Even though it's a pain, the surgeon would not ask you to if it was not relevant to your health, whether or not the insurance requires it. They are just looking out for your health during and post surgery. I mean, you are willing to put your life in this surgeon's hands, you may as well trust what he has to say about what's best.

You can do this! It takes a lot of commitment and you have time to get totally on board between now and your surgery. Keep us updated!

I went through similar journey of starting out planning on lap band a couple of years ago, changing my mind, trying diet and exercise again for a year (unsuccessfully) not wanting to do bypass (for same reasons you stated) then deciding on sleeve. I do not have all of your health concerns other than a very lumpy bumpy thyroid with very little function, but so far it does not have to be removed. I did have several scares with chest pain (one that scared me enough to go to the emergency room) that turned out to be nothing, but it was enough to remind me that I want to live to see my children graduate college, get married, have grandchildren, travel etc....but if I kept on my current course, I was surely decreasing my chances of making it that far. Then my friend, who had the RNY operation four years ago, ran the NY Marathon. She looked great, she felt great and now she had accomplished something as incredible as that! Where was I, I was at my highest weight ever, 272 lbs feeling fat, tired, uncomfortable, embarrassed and miserable. I decided enough was enough and I got started on the journey to have the sleeve. It took 8 months of meetings with NUT, getting all the required work done etc, required by my insurance company. I had many moments of second thoughts, especially when I had to go for tests and things I would have otherwise never done in a million years. When my surgery was finally set, I almost cancelled about 100 times, I was so scared. BUT I went through with it on June 4th and I can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did! There were a few times in the hospital and during my first week home that I questioned what in the heck did I do to myself, but now I am getting used to the plan and I am down over 40 pounds since surgery and have never felt better!

My point in telling you all of this is that it is human nature to cling to our old way of life because we are scared and it is what we know. It is really scary and hard to face the unknown of how things will be after surgery (and for me I had NEVER had surgery of any kind, so I was also really scared of the unknown of what that would be like). The tests and all the visits are a pain, but need to be soldiered through with your eye on the end goal...YOUR HEALTH! In the end, this surgery has helped so many people improve their health and their lives in unbelievable ways. I just read a post of someone who after 9 months is down 90 lbs and off of her 12 meds! With all of your health issues, imagine what life would be like for you if losing weight nullified or at least alleviated most of them! It is normal to be scared and uncertain, but in the end, don't let that get in the way of taking control of your life and your health. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Good luck to you. My prayers are with you that you can find peace and calm going through this process and that you have a safe and successful surgery.

I, like you thought about this on several occasions. The first time I went to a place, they didn't quite explain the procedure to me. I was told that I would see a nutritionist, that I would see their psychologist and then they would set me up on a plan. I saw the nutritionist twice, took some psychological testing which was comprised of a bunch of silly questions, some were asked the same way two or three different ways, with no real correct answer. 1. Have you met anyone that has tried to deliberately sabotage your efforts? (I think we all have once in our lives). 2. Have you ever felt that people were jealous of you? Again, I'm sure we all have. I met with the psychologist, and she told me that I would need to meet with her to go over why I gained weight in the first place and what my issues are with food. I asked how long the process would be she told me six months. I took offense to it. I thought I was being unfairly picked on and she was rude. Had I been told up front that everyone had to do this, that everyone had to go through a six month pre-approval meeting, that would have helped me out a lot. My husband lost his job, I quit the program. I went to another place a few years later, and heavier, and I was told up front 6 months program etc. a few weeks later, I got pneumonia. I quit the program. I ended up with pneumonia a few months later after that too. A year later I went back to the previous place and I took all the information and decided to put 100% effort into the program.

You are doing very well taking in all the information. I understand how much information you have been given and having to digest it.

Charting food is something I did not want to do. It is something I have hated doing FOREVER... My suggestion is using something like Myfitnesspal.com Almost every food you can find in there. You have to do some set up of it, because it has a default for Calories of 1200 - and the Carb default is like 157 or something really high. If you can lower that to 45-75 it will be more beneficial. If you can up the default of protein to 80 that helps too. If you need help with this I can help you or there are others that can help you with that.

Even if you aren't sure you want to do this yet...why not just go through with some of these things to carry on, you already started the process. You know you can cancel up to the day of the surgery

Regarding the Sleep Apnea testing. That actually goes in favor of having the surgery. It's considered a co-morbidity. If you have sleep apnea (many overweight people do) even some people that aren't overweight have it, and there is something caused "central sleep apnea" which has to do with the brain. Being tested for it something I have had to do many times and I refuse the cpap machine. Even if your insurance company doesn't require it, it actually adds to the comorbidity. Diabetes is one, but sleep apnea would be considered a second, which only goes to help you. I had a cousin that died from sleep apnea at the age of 52. I refuse the cpap but I am also on oxygen, so that helps. I have to go for another sleep study in September/October and hopefully I'll be off oxygen now.

Regarding your age, limitations and illnesses, I was 330 last spring. I used oxygen at night and sometimes during the day. I have mixed connective tissue disease, lupus, glaucoma, a brain tumor located on the root of my trigeminal nerve, degenerative disk disease in my neck. I was on daily injections for diabetes, I suffer severe migraines and I receive occipital nerve blocks, cervical spine injections, I also have asthma and a neurological condition. I was diagnosed with CRPS/RSD in 2004 from bilateral carpal tunnel surgery in 2004. I had a Reveal heart monitor implanted in my chest for over a year, which I still had when I went for my first two appointments and I finally got it out end of December 2011. (I started the program in November). During my pre-approval phase at month 5 I was admitted into the hospital for pleurisy, which is a complication due to lupus. Before I started the pre-approval phase I could barely get up the stairs or off the couch by myself. The pain in my hips and knees were so great and I was told I would probably end up needing all those.

I decided to work on my food issues when I joined the program. #1 I didn't eat breakfast ever...I started doing a protein shake fo breakfast. #2 I didn't eat lunch..ever. I started doing 1% cottage cheese and a slice of turkey meat for lunch, or alternatively a protein shake. I did a sensible dinner. I started learning to chew my food. Something I never did (I ate dinner fast, swallowing everything whole) and often-times choking on my food. If we went out to dinner I always choked because I wanted nobody to see me eat so I ate fast. I always drank water with my dinner too, because I choked. I started to try not to drink water with dinner, and I found myself chewing more and choking less. I haven't choked in months!

I slowed down on coffee intake and eventually gave it up before the pre-op phase. I figured if I did the pre-op shake phase and had to give up coffee, I wouldn't be having withdrawals so I got rid of it in advance.

Because of my migraines I would drink things like Mountain Dew or Coke and instead I switched it Soda Water. When I found out no carbonation I was devastated. Worse, no more Excedrin Migraine. There were months I would get a headache 4-5 times a week. I switched to Botox injections in my head (above my ears in my skull and back of my head and my neck). I get a headache a week at the most now. I gave up Soda water because of the carbonation.

I worked on my 64 ounces of water.

I am off diabetes injections, I am pretty sure I will not need knee or hip replacement surgery. I am off water pills, I am off sleeping pills, I can walk up the stairs now.

The surgery isn't what has cured me though. The fact that I took a stand and started to think I was worth taking care of is. I worked hard to make changes so the sleeve can eventually work for me.

I still have lupus, I still have a brain tumor, but last summer I sat on my couch, could barely breath because I had so much weight on my chest and I knew I didn't have much longer to live. My great-grandmother died at the age of 49 due to obesity. She had diabetes and we were built exactly alike. I will be 49 in a few weeks now.

I worked hard to get to where I am. I new surgery was going to be hard on me. My doctor knew it too. I had a hernia and I had scar tissue from so many previous surgeries including a c-section hysterectomy, numerous laparascopies from endometriosis, gallbladder removal, a bowel resection, I had adhesions everywhere.

I am not considered the best candidate for surgery because I am sick. I lost 60 pounds during the pre-approval phase on my own. I went out to eat once in a while and had Red Lobster (yes, I had their HUGE monster size margarita) and I charted it, I went to japanese steak house, I had special meals during this time. But I still charted my food, and I still lost weight. I lost only 10 pounds during the pre-op phase.

My parents, my son and husband thought I would die before 50. I knew I would die before my 49th Birthday if I didn't do something about it. I realized then, i would rather die trying to fight for my life than to sit on the couch and die not trying.

While we all have different lives, it's up to you which way you want to live your life. If you chose to do this, I swear if you put the effort into it, you will start feeling better about yourself every single day.

I am never going to be perfectly healthy, I still have the headaches to deal with, the tumor, I still need cervical spine surgery in my future, I still have lupus, but my gosh, walking up the stairs without hip and knee pain, being able to see that I have a lap, and laying down with my boobs suffocating me is AMAZING!

I wish you the best of luck. You seem to have already started changing the way you are doing things, and you are putting so much effort into this already and that is all you can do is try each day to change what you can to make better choices, and realize you are worth taking care of now.