It has been one whole month since my surgery. I unfortunately still feel like I'm a sick person recovering though between eating mushies still, taking liquid omeprazle, and pulling an internal stitch 2 weeks ago.

However, today my stomach (where I pulled that stitch) is finally not bothering me as much. I can finally sleep on my side, which has begun to help my back pain a lot. And, so far any mushie food I've feed my sleevie has agreed with me. I went through a phase about 2 weeks out where I was freaked out over the amount of liquids I could handle in one swallow. I didn't need to sip anything by week two, I could take pretty regular sized drinks. I was worried I did something wrong. My doctor assured me, I just healed well and fast, and was happy for it. Now I freak out sometimes when I can eat what feels like it should be a lot, like 1/2 cup of fat free re-fried black beans, and I only feel full there at the end and can eat it in 30 minutes. Like... wow. Um, I thought that this was supposed to be harder? I guess maybe in the end, when all the healing is done, and I'm on regular food again, that I might be happier that I can eat most things. I've been super careful and slow when I introduce sleevie to something new. I take micro bites at first, sort of testing the waters, and then I'm like ok, we're good. And another food goes into rotation. I'm going to be trying tuna and chicken salad this week. I had to mentally get past the mushy meats idea. But, I do want to introduce meats to my system again before I'm eating real food again. I think I forgot that its a actually a goal to be able to eat a little closer to "normal" portions by the time I'm totally healed. I will be able to handle 2-3 oz. of meat, 1/4 cup of veggies, and a couple of tbsp. of brown rice. This amount of food sounds absurd to me in one sitting right now.

Speaking of food...I've become pretty on top of healthy alternative recipe hunting. One of my post-surgery changes is cooking more often from home, making clean & healthy whole foods, and experimenting regularly with new recipes. I found cauliflower pizza crust! Protein donuts?! Yes! So long as this stuff tastes as amazing as my head thinks it does, (after 5 weeks of mushies and 3 weeks of liquids it will all taste good! LOL), then we're ready to rock and roll. I'm going to do my best to follow for the most part a low glycemtric diet for the rest of my life. Because I'm human, there will be "normal" food days, and I'm not going to feel food guilt those moments ever again. Food guilt is ridiculous in my life, and I don't need it. I felt guilty when I ate. Period. If I had a healthy sandwich, whole wheat bread, smoked turkey, low fat mayo, loaded with veggies... I'd feel guilty. That is something I feel I'm past now, and I don't want to ever feel like that again.

I'm slowly getting past my, "Buyer's remorse." It has been harder than I anticipated for me post surgery. Not the food, I've been disciplined and not even thought about challenging my post-op diet at all. Its been physically not being where I am capable of being mentally. My pulled stitch has slowed me down, and it has frustrated me so much. I still have to take it easy, when I want to go walk a mile. I want to grab my hula hoop and just go nuts dancing, but I can't do that for another 4-5 weeks. Heartbreaking for me. I want to pick up my little dog and cuddle him like a baby, and I can't do that for a while either. I miss drinking while eating more than I thought I would. I was sad to think I can't drink milk and eat a PB&J sandwich at the same time. Is that forever? In a year or two, can I do that again? I'm just mentally past the healing and change part, and feel stunted in my ability to go forward because of this injury, and my back pain I've been suffering since I've been having to lay on my back so much. I'm back at work, but still can't bend over or reach up or move as fast as I did before... I'm ready to feel like myself 100% again and I'm pretty sure I still have a few more weeks before I will.

I am rather pleased with my 37 pound weight loss, and don't even mind that I'm in a stall right now.

Ah. This getting my thoughts out thing feel good.