So i saw my nutritionist on monday and the more i think about what she said the more irked i get. I'm not mad at her but she's all thin and been doing the right things forever. What stands out is that she said that going from 1800 calories is more mental than actual calories isn't it? yeah no...no it isn't. She doesn't get that I'd like a hamburger and can have a hamburger on 1800 calories but a portion of a hamburger will simply not fill me up on a 1500 calorie diet. hence i really did have to make more than a mental change. I mean the whole problem I have is that i'm hungry and am never full.

after the nutritionist, i saw the nurse. she proceeded to tell me that now that i've been on this diet 3 months i couldn't eat like i did before if i tried and i sat there thinking.. WANNA BET?

then the doctor, not the one who's doing surgery but someone they want me to see over the 6 month program, he tells me that i need to break the relationship that my mom and i have over food. her issue w/ this weightloss surgery is only important to her in so far as it doesn't kill me. That's it. So maybe I do and I'm too blind to see it but I guess I'm just not at this point.

overall i am pleased w/ my progress. 20lbs down in about 3 months of dieting. so yeah...the whole thing was weird.

I binged the day after the nutritionist. I don't know if I'd call it a binge. but it was everything i would have eaten on a given day that I was not on a diet. 2 cups of pasta and a great slice of cheesecake.i was screwing around w/ a single pound for a week and i was frustrated and i really did just want to feel full and satisfied again. I miss it. Even so. I lost a pound the next day even though I was 1000 calories over my limit.

Today was hard but I did keep myself on track and worked out and counted my calories and I'm on target. So onward and upward